" Go! Its green Woowhoo!"

Woke up this morning and the man was already gone to work! So sad he is working so hard so we can get out of debt. What a great husband! I am thankful for him and his willingness to allow me to stay home. I know I do not show my gratitude very often but I am thankful. So I got the kids up which wasn't hard because they heard where we were going. I was smart and didn't tell them that H and the kids weren't going to be there until we were on the way. So off we went and got our veggies and then off to moms for breakfast and swimming and fun.

When I got to moms she was making breakfast and it smelled so good. Ate breakfast and then sent the kids out to swim. Mom had told the kids that she made warranty and ethanol (this is a little joke! When I try to spell my nieces name on my phone it always auto corrects and makes it warranty and the same with my nephews name it becomes ethanol. So my new names will be these for my niece and nephew! Niece= warranty and nephew= ethanol! Too funny!!!!!) swim laps so they could win computer time or DS time or TV time. So 60 laps later for mo and 61 for mod she had to swim more she is so competitive later and they were in the house. Mlmm, mom and I went to my neighbors salon and she cut and toned moms hair. (I know that I could have done her hair but I am not in a salon and I know how nice it is to go, it is totally amazing!)I believe there is nothing like going to a salon to get your hair and nails done! It is like happiness in a can, a can of color...either color on your head or color on your nails. It makes ugly feel pretty and fat feel skinny! I love salons!!!

Then back to moms for some lazy time and she fixed my computer and I am so thankful she took the time to help me with all the parental controls and all the things I know nothing about. I am so grateful!!! thank you mom! I was nice to not do anything and just chill! I think it is exactly what I needed some down time. The kids watched a movie with my dad and uncle while we were at the salon and they were good. Yeah! I learned something funny about mlmm I guess she keeps taking things from moms house and says she is taking them instead of asking I find it funny but oh so bad. So we will be having the you cant take thing talk. I guess mlmm showed my mom her new thing she is doing. I also think this is funny! when ever we get to a stop light or slow down she always tries to tell me what color the light is then we say its red and when it becomes green she yells " Go! Its green Woowhoo!" I laugh and think it is so funny but I guess it could be annoying. But then I start thinking maybe I should have that same kind of excitement in life maybe I would be a better person!!! So its Woohoo! Its Green!!!

Got the kids fed and bathed the little ones so they could fall asleep in the car and I wouldn't have to wake them up when we got home. I worked for mlmm but not for mlh so the man stayed up late with the older kids and mlh and i went in my room and watched some TV. Mlh is sleeping and i am already missing my mom! Very busy week coming up! I am starting to get excited. Probably sleep at moms tomorrow so the kids can swim Monday morning before practice! yeah internet and lots of it! Will try to get my phone fixed on Monday!

Thank You Firefighters!!!!! You Rock!

This morning I woke up to the smell of fire at 3 am and I closed all the windows and then sat in bed and could not breath or sleep. I am not sure how everyone else slept in. So I went out side and I could see the fire right behind the mountain behind our house and then I decided to turn on the TV to see what was going on and then I was up watching TV and thinking man if the wind picks up we are in trouble. At about 5:30 the man got up and explained that the reason why I could smell fire is because the wind was still. So good for the fire fighters and according to the news the air assault will start a little after 6 am. So I sat in the house with all the smoke and kept thinking this could be really bad.

The kids woke up and I decided to lay down. I wish I could have slept instead of listening to the kids fight. I am really tired and I have so much to do. I have to get the house clean take the kids to VBS and have it all down before I pick them up at 12. Before going to VBS my hypochondriac let me know that he was sick and couldn't go to VBS! Ha this kid makes me crazy.So far this month he has had whopping couch, stomach virus, a cold, a rash, and of coarse he was dieing from all of these and none of them were true. I told him it was the last day and he was going to go no matter what. So off to VBS we went and mlh he makes me smile when I feel like everything is all crazy he always come to my side to tell me something so funny. While waiting in the car for the older kids to get in so I could take them to VBS he said "I am in the car all ready!" He is right he is also the only one ready to help. Even if his legs are broke. The only problem with him is you can't threaten to though his stuff away... He will do it for you.

On the way home from drooping the kids at VBS mlh and I saw like 15 fire trucks about two blocks away and my stomach just sank. I wasn't alarmed by the firefighter but I was by the sheriff cars. Mlh and I watched the fires crest the top of the mountain and then watched all the planes and I think he thought this was a great time.(to bad I do not have a video camera I think My nephew would have loved to see the planes. They vibrated the entire house it was like mini earthquakes. Mlh was so excited every time he saw the big one(the 747 I think that is what it is called. The one with the chemicals in it)he would yell with excitement "mom the fire!" But not me...I watch in fear! wondering if we were going to be in trouble. Why is it when your house is a mess you think I need to get this clean in case we have to leave in a hurry. I mean I do not think the firefighter are gonna care what your house looks like, and if it burns down it all looks like a mess anyway. But I am not sure what it was but after picking up the kids I could not stand to live in this mess any more. I cleaned the house and fought with the kids.

Then we watched the trucks leave and then the water trucks and then a bulldozer and I thought this is a good sign. Then the winds picked up and all I could do was pray for the firefighters and the planes! The man had to come home early do to a accident on the 5 and a fire on sierra highway. So here we are sitting and my house looks like crap. I know that the man works like crazy but I am so tired and just wish the kids would help and it seems like they only help when the man is around. The man and the kids watched the planes paint the top of the hills orange and I will admit it is awesome to see. Scary but oh so awesome!

Have you ever had one of those nights where you just flip out and you are not even sure why? Well I am sitting here all upset because that is what happened today and I am so sad. Sad that I flipped out and sad that I am not sure what set me off. All I know is I can not live in filth and I am to tired. I wish I knew what is wrong with me and being so tired. I had to cancel my appointment for today and move it until Wednesday and I just found out that, that will not work out either. So I will have to cancel that and with my doctor that means it will be September until I get in. AGGGGHHHHHH! I fell like today was just a joke!!!

This is a big thank you to all the firefighters that protected my house (and all the other houses) and kept that fire from coming down that hill. Thank you God for them!

Mom called I guess mlmm wanted to come home so thank you mom for keeping her one more night I am so grateful! If she would have come home so late I would have been up all night!

Fire Fire Fire!

Went to moms today after picking up the kids from VBS and drove to her house for lunch, hair, nails, and a little swimming. Finally got to see H and really talk to her it was nice. Then before I knew it, It was already four and I was gonna be late bringing the kids home for practice. while at moms Mo had a complete melt down and I am not sure if he is having a hard time with this whole rush here rush there...or if it is because he really is having a hard time with change...or if it is football. But what ever it is I am ready for him to stop having these episodes. I am way too tired.

So on the way home I passed one fire and thought man that is really close to the house. By the time I got home the man got a phone call saying that practice had been canceled and man I was bummed I could have stayed with my mom longer and avoided the crying and attitude that followed when I said get in the car. So there was another fire that was over the hill in the front of our house and that fire looked to me that it was almost out. The wind had picked up and our house smelled like smoke and there was ash falling like snow. Yuck! All I could do was pray and worry.

Before we went to bed we ate left overs and watched a movie and it was so nice to have the family home. Except mlmm she stayed home with mom to play with baby E. After the movie we went outside to water the non existing garden and that is when we saw that the winds have picked up and and that the smoke was gone. So yeah smoke is gone but not good that the winds had picked up! Opened up the windows and we sent the kids to bed. I am sitting in bed typing this on the laptop and wishing my internet was better. I also miss my phone I will have to get that thing fixed!!! It is a must. One day left of VBS and I am looking forward to Sunday so we can see the kids at church. So praying for the fire fighters and their safety!

"mom lets go outside and see what those nasty rabbits have eaten!" ... I do miss snow shack!

Woke up this morning and I am still so tired. I yelled at the kids which totally makes me mad at myself. I really just wanted to sleep in. I was up late last night with a stomach ache and heart burn which made me sit up and run to the bathroom. I hate having that happen it is so frustrating. I am not going to be able to eat spaghetti for a long long time again. I just wish mlmm would sleep. I need sleep!

Drove the kids to VBS and then drove the long drive (it is only long when I am tired) to moms. I forget how much the kids love to swim. Mlmm packed her bag before we even left and I made sure there was chonies in there. There is nothing like having your daughter pack her clothes and forgetting underwear. I did peek in the bag and she did an okay job for being only two she even packed her night times. I am so proud of her. She woke up and told me that she is staying at my moms and she wasn't taking no for an answer. She is too funny!

Got to moms and got to finally see H. Since my phone bit the dust and since we have bad timing I haven't been able to see or talk to her for almost two weeks. Way to long. So the kids went swimming even baby E got in the pool. She defiantly does not like the pool or swimming or my mom. Man I forgot how much we have missed out by not living in the same town. I have enjoyed seeing my niece and nephew everyday last week. Now I even get to see my baby E and I must say it is so nice I cant wait until they move here.

So I got mlh out of the pool and then made him lunch and drove to the church to pick up the kids. Got the kids and I guess I am still tired because I can not stand listening to them. I need Sleep!!!!! So I got to the house let out the dogs and then off to the neighbors to color hair. I only wish I could have gotten paid for it. I do miss doing nails, I miss the conversations, the friendships, and the noise. I love being home but there are some days I really miss talking to adults. So I talked to the neighbor and I still haven't talked to the church goer neighbor but soon!!! I loving hearing how people react and how they see life. Some people I think live in a big bubble!

Since the man was home early doing paper work I let the kids clean up there mess and after a short nap on the couch I woke the man up because his phone was ringing. He got the kids out the door on time for practice and then went by subway and brought mlh and I dinner. How awesome! No cooking for me! Yeah!!! Kids are at football and cheer and mlh and I water the garden and it looks like we will have some cauliflower and maybe we will have some new pumpkins grow. I am so hopeful for some new pumpkins and praying that the critters stay away!!! Before going outside to water the garden mlh said "mom lets go outside and see what those nasty rabbits have eaten!" After looking at the garden I have decided that the squirrels are the ones that are making the mess now and I am so not happy about it. I am angry that the fence we bought the one that said it would keep them out is a piece of junk and they lied. Stupid Lowes!! so I guess I will need to look at more options.

Still no phone and no internet. We will see how this week plays out. Mlh prayed over dinner tonight and prayed for our garden, pumpkins and for snow cones. I do miss snow shack! Mo said that his legs don't hurt so bad tonight and mod cheered for us tonight. she is way to cute! I believe that the shotgun will be coming out in a few short years. The man is still praying with her every night and I am very grateful that he is continuing it. I think this will help us in the years to come.

"Come on Rabbit Stew!!!"

Well today has been a great and busy day. I took the kids to VBS in my pj's so I could still clean house and because I am still so tired. Thankfully I did not see any one and did not have to get out of the car. I decided that today is gonna be a great day with or with out a phone! I am now using the kids phone that can only call like 5 phone numbers. I am still praying for a miracle with the phone. I do not want to send it in and I can not afford to get another one! Got home and started to clean but I still am so tired. I wish I could lay in bed!Picked the kids up from VBS and I am totally ready for some rest. Ha I have 4 kids!

"I shot that rabbit in the foot and it got away." this is what the man said to me today he has been trying for days to save our garden by shooting the rabbits and squirrels and crows and what ever he can. On Friday there was a dead rabbit on my steps that had been dead for a day or so. Yuck! I thought I was gonna be sick. It either came from the puppy or the cat that is trying to stay on our property. Then the man sat out side and said "Come on Rabbit Stew!!!" After shooting and yelling ( I guess he needs a new gun, bummer more money)and shooting some more he came in and said "Bummer no rabbit stew!" Ha if the man thinks I am making rabbit stew he is crazy!!! I do not care how easy they are to skin and I do not care if they taste like chicken. But the man is determined to catch me a bunny and to kill all those squirrels that are eating all my food. I went out tho the garden and we have no more pumpkins. We started with 5 and then we were down to one and now none. What a bummer my kids are totally praying for a miracle they really wanted to grow there own pumpkins this year. Well we can only hope.


So after the kids went to practice and then came home we had leftovers and watched wipe out!!! Then we sent the kids to bed. It is nice how tired they are they aren't even fighting with me. I think it is because of the practice and then I am making them get up early to go to VBS! Busy day tomorrow!!!

VBS, Football and Cheer!!! Oh My

This day has been a crazy upsetting and tiring day! I woke up the kids and got them ready for VBS. After signing them up my little ones cried all the way to the car they wanted to stay and play. So this is a good thing for us going to church! I think I need to just go and see how they do.

Then I drove to Palmdale got gas and then Starbucks. I am not sure why I keep getting Starbucks I think I need to go to you are a complete idiot school and maybe I will be able to learn that Starbucks and kids is not a good thing. Mlmm is always making the biggest messes. So we got to Walmart and then decided to spill chocolate milk all over my purse in my purse and all over the cart. Then she decided to spill mine all over the floor cart and mlh. So the only person who got to enjoy Starbucks was mlh. He drank his so fast. He drinks his fast so that no one else can drink it (and because mlmm keeps spilling them). So I made a mess for the workers to clean up and I from that point on was a piss off person. Did I mention that my phone now has a black screen and says something about boot and using a usb cable. So no incoming and no out going. no text and no internet. I have the crappiest luck with phones! so much for spending $300. I think I really need sleep. I am not sure what is wrong with me but I am so tried. I feel like I just cant get enough.

Got to the church just in time to pick up the kids and then drove then home made lunch and tried to make mod happy but I just can not seem to. She is also very emotional these days. I know that she needs more socializing and misses R so much. So after lunch it almost seemed to fly by and I needed to get the kids to practice. The man was still at work. So off we went and got there right before it was time and I am sure that this practice thing is gonna kill me so hopefully the man is gonna help. So after squeezing through a small hole in the fence which is hard to do when you are fat! I must say being thin has its advantages. if I would have seen me do this I probably would have laughed my butt off. So practice started and the man showed up. Since we only have one car I drove home and he got in the car and went home! I made dinner and you are not going to believe it I made spaghetti. We haven't had spaghetti since leaving my moms house. She had it like 2 times a week. So I made homemade sauce and man was it good. I even ate way too much. Unfortunately since the kids eat at moms still they weren't as impressed as I was. So when the kids got home they ate and went to bed. Hopefully I will wake up and not be tired.

Lazy Sunday!

I am almost to tired to blog. I woke up more tired than usual and I should have napped. Cleaned the house and wondered how this day could have gone any better. Sil left for home this evening after I cooked dinner and now I am sitting here trying to keep my eyes open. watched a movie with the kids today and for the most part just had a Lazy Sunday which was most needed. I can not believe how crazy tomorrow is gonna be and I am so excited. The kids are going to VBS tomorrow. The neighbor called and left me a message asking me if the kids are going to VBS and I jumped at the opportunity. I know that it is gonna be hard and tiring but oh so worth it. I also am thinking this could be a great opportunity for me to get to know her and picking her brain. we have decided to home school our oldest this year and i have no idea what I need to do. I know that she home schooled both her girls and i could use some guidance. Hey if any of you have done this home school thing please let me know your ideas.

While praying over dinner tonight mlh prayed for Super chef, H, and baby E! Then he said "I miss them so much God!"

I am praying for a great first day of VBS and for finally getting to fellowship. Also hoping to get all the things I need to get done in the short time I have tomorrow. I need to go to walmart for milk and stuff. I also need to get my stupid phone looked at! Sorry so short just too tired!!!

"I will never forget what that doctor did to me as long as I live!"

This morning Sil and I drove to moms with the kids to complete the yard work. But before I could get that done I needed to get both kids to the doctors for a physicals for football and cheer leading. Cheer and football starts on Monday and they have to have physicals. So we went to moms and checked in and then picked up Sarra and away we went. To the doctors oh yeah! I have decided that this sucks doctors office and on a Saturday. Yuck! So they called us in and mo went first I didn't have the heart to tell him what to expect. Mod was in and out. But not mo... he had to pee in a cup and then he had to get checked you know physical. Oh I also had to get a shot... Yuck I hate shots!

"I will never forget what that doctor did to me as long as I live!" This is what mo said today after getting his football physical. It was to funny to see my brave 10 year old say "no mom you can stay" and then say "you are going do what! you want me to take off my pants? What for?" I wish I had a camera for all to see I think it would have been a top ten on you tube! I thought he was going to pass out. So he didn't say anything to me after he was done he ran and got in the car and then that is when the funny started. He tried to tell sil and she told him that there was girls in the car and to not say a thing. Then mod and i got in the car and he started in again. When we got to Walmart to pick up the thing needed to finish the house I guess he couldn't hold it in any longer and he said the most wonderful thing... "You should be thankful you are not a boy, they did some yucky things to me just to make sure my balls can play football!" Wait until he gets married and has a baby he is gonna freak out when he sees what girls go through.

Spent the rest of the day finishing the yard and I am sunburned tired, my arm is sore because of the shot and my hands have blisters like crazy...but the back yard is so beautiful. Truly beautiful! The yard looks like she hired a landscaper to do it. My dad and uncle took all the clippings to the dump and cleaned the side yard. Mom made a great dinner and the kids swam all day!! I am praying for a no do anything day tomorrow! All in all had a great hard working day!

I am not going to run anymore! I will rejoice in my suffering!

"mom your hands are yucky! get them away from me!" this is what mlmm said to me tonight while getting her ready for bed. I guess all this yard work has made me have man hands! We went to moms again to get the yard done I thought we would have finished today but I guess we will be going over there tomorrow! Got the flower beds cleaned out and we put the black paper down with all new bark. Mom even got the kids to help by holding an umbrella over me and my uncle it was nice where were the umbrellas at yesterday? So with the kids help and with my mom making lunch and helping with the little one. We are one day closer to being done! Yeah!

went swimming with the kids today! I love to see how brave my almost three year old is getting. She is jumping in to the pool and yelling cannon ball. Too bad she doesn't know how to to those yet. Got a call from sil and she cut her finger and didn't leave as early as she had planned. But she got here with my babies and man have I missed my kids. I order pizza for dinner something we don't do very often. It was good for a change. Put up the fence around my garden which didn't make the man happy but it did make me very happy! Very happy! we only have three pumpkins left such a bummer. Stupid bunnies! So up went the fence and tomorrow will be a long and great day! didn't even spend time with sil tonight.

Here is what I read tonight people mislead you when you choose to believe. They forget to tell you that being a believer means you defiantly will have pain a suffering. The only difference is that we are supposed to embrace it rather than run from it. Have you ever noticed how the bible uses the word through a lot. I wonder if it is because we are supposed to go through a lot of crappy situations. Just a thought! To all my readers who are going through the valley with me we need to remember that the path to heaven runs though suffering. So I am not going to run anymore! I will rejoice in my suffering! HA! Reading 2 Corinthians in a new light.

Yard Work Yard Work!!

Woke up this morning and got the kids all ready to go to nanas house to get the yard done! When I got there I brought the stone edging that we had at our house. The edging that sil tripped on and broke her foot. So I cut back the flower bed in the front yard and then moved to the back yard. My mom has done so much I wish I had her energy it is so amazing. My uncle and my niece and nephew went to play putput (that is what my grandma called it) and Mo, mlmm and I stayed home to help mom with the trimming and clean up of the back yard. I can not believe how hard it is to do yard work and how although I love it I have decided that I am gonna pay for it in the morning.

Got all the roses cut back and went swimming with the kids and then we got out to go to the doctors only to find out that the appointment was yesterday! Decided to meet the man to go shopping for a new receiver for moms house and then came home. Tired and ready for my head to hit that pillow!! going to bed early!

Silly Rabbits, Veggies are for me!!!

Today I woke up and called mom and went over to help her with her front yard! When I got there she was planting and had started putting down the black paper to go under the bark that she had bought! I could not believe how much she had done before I got there. She had taken out all the plants that were already in the front yard and had put them in the back yard and had planted new plants. It looks soooo much better! I love how nice it looks. Well I started in right away and helped her get it finished! I knew this was gonna be a long day and that it was gonna take a couple days to get the front and back yard finished.

The kids went swimming and I planted some of the plants that she had dug up around the pool and before I knew it I was out of time! The man stopped by to talk about receivers and I left in a hurry to go to the house to get mo's violin so we could make it to practice on time. We got there way early and i decided instead of waiting in the car we would go to lowes and get some more fencing. Got in and out of lowes and then back to practice. Mlmm and I sat in practice and she played with the toys there and I wanted to fall asleep. I am not sure why but that house makes me very sleepy. After practice we found out that his music teacher was running late because he had to put his dog to sleep. So sad she was so young.

I am not sure if it is because of all the work at moms but oh man am I tired tonight. Right before going to bed the man came in and asked me if I had seen the garden. Oh my goodness!!! Silly Rabbits, Veggies are for me! They had got in the garden by eating through the fence and I no longer have any tomatoes! They started on the spinach and I am totally pissed off. All my hard work all gone! What a total bummer! So the man sat out side to kill him a bunny for dinner and I went to bed to write my blog and to fall asleep quick busy day tomorrow lots of yard work!

"Oh yeah! well my papa has chocolate and My Neena loves me more!"

Today I got to play sick with mo. He heard that I did this with mod and he wasn't taking no for an answer. Called mom and she was out which was a bummer I thought I'd be able to see H! seeing how everyone had plans I decided I would take mo up on his offer and just hung out. We watched a movie and ate popcorn. I even got to check on my emails (this never happens). I had so many. After checking my emails and watching TV with mo. I cleaned the house and did some laundry! It is amazing how mlmm and mo interact when they are the only two kids. I sometimes think they are the same. only one is a girl and the other a boy.

For the greater part of the day we did nothing and I totally loved it. while getting mlmm out of the shower and getting her ready for bed she thought she would comment on the commercial she saw on TV and it made me laugh so hard. It was a chocolate commercial and she wanted me to know that we needed chocolate. I explained that we didn't need chocolate then she said in that three year old tone "Oh yeah! Well my Papa has chocolate!' Then she wanted me to know that he gives her chocolate and nuts and ice cream and candy and chocolate! Then she wanted me to know that I didn't love her because we didn't have chocolate. Then she yelled " My Neena loves me more!" I then couldn't stop laughing at her. She has never called my mom Nana it has been Mana then a verity of other and now it is Neena!

Got mlmm to bed and then stayed up with mo watching TV way to late and now I am tired and ready for bed. Had a great no fighting day!

I am here because I said I'd go!

Today sil left and took mlh and mod with her before she left I got a call from my niece asking for me to come over to moms. So I got mlmm and mo ready and packed in the car sil got mlh and mod in her car and...you got to be kidding her car wont start! So called the man and got the jumper cables out and after figuring out that her AC wont work when her batteries aren't full away we went.

Got to moms and got in the pool and man was that pool hot! I think the kids loved it and I know that baby e did she even fell asleep way too cute. I sear she could win a cutest baby award. So after swimming I got my kids out and even got them in the car without waking up baby e. Before I left I was talking to our old neighbor when mom came out and invited me back inside to eat my favorite meal Tacos. Well since the man hates them and I can never make them I asked mo to get mlmm out of the car and went back inside.

Ate dinner at moms and drove home just in time for the man to go to bed. I didn't get to see H which is sad but I know her working is an answer to prayer and they are trying to move up here and then I will be able to see her when ever I want. Mo and i stayed up and watched TV and here I am up late typing my blog.

Have you ever had one of those moment where you start looking for something and stumble on something else. Well that is what happened to me tonight and I am so thankful. I stumbled upon my old Bible and before I opened it I asked God to show me something. Then I opened it and now I am sitting here in bed sobbing. At first while reading I thought this doesn't mean anything to me... but for some reason I can not explain I just kept reading and reading then I stumbled upon it. It was like seeing the exact moment in slow motion and I heard the song in my head and I even saw Christian learning the song in the car ( he is so talented) right before worship practice. I remember the exact words and prayer I said and it was like a light bulb moment. Only so clear, clearer than ever before! All I can say is a total break through. I am here because I said I'd go!

Isaiah 6 (New International Version)

Isaiah 6
Isaiah's Commission
1 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."

4 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

5 "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."

6 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

Families= fam i lies! Have you ever wondered if the person who spelt the word families spelt it that way one purpose?

Families= fam i lies! Have you ever wondered if the person who spelt the word families spelt it that way one purpose? I mean with all this soul searching I am learning so much about my self and who I wish to no longer be and who I am. I have decided that all families keep secrets and as you can see I am a open book. I may not tell all in my blog but that's to keep from hurting people that I love. Which as my son told me ( because I always tell him) "that's lying by omission mom". He's right! So why do we do it? Why do we teach our kids to lie and keep secrets. That is what is wrong now a days. Even if I answer questions on Facebook or via email I am still following the path. But, why is it that families lie to one another. Families are supposed to be a place where you can be you and be loved without having to try. I hate all the secrets that are associated with family. It totally pisses me off.

For as long as I can remember people always say that I am jealous. But after keeping a journal it has shown me that jealousy is not the problem that I have its the secrets and lies. I believe that because of the lies and broken trust in my childhood when I catch people lying to me it makes me totally angry. Which could be misunderstood as jealousy. Stop lying to protect me it just makes both of us look stupid and I don't need you to protect me. I'm a big girl and can handle the truth.

So today I woke up made gravy to go with the biscuits we had left over and just felt like I was getting sick. I believe it was because of the long drive and crying that I did. Thought I was going to moms with the man but plans changed I guess so we hung out and it was nice. Made chicken fried stake for dinner and it was nice. Thank you H for reminding me and the man about the ice in the swamp cooler trick. You ROCK! The house stayed cool and besides my major headache all day it was pretty calm for being a Sunday.

"you can do it since you think your so cleaver"

We woke up this morning to sil alarm clock which was set to a roster crowing. 5:30 is way to early when you didn't get any sleep. I mean I watched the clock! First mod fell out of bed then mlh was up talking and sat up and then he almost fell out of bed. Then sil was up fixing her bed. Then it was yep its 3:30, now its 4 come one 4:30. Then a roster at 5! I just wanted sleep, but the humidity and the hotel bed and ahhhhh!

So we all got out the door went to the free breakfast that charged for drinks ( I find this misleading and false advertising). Had to stuff our faces in like ten minutes so we could be one our way to Bishop. Man what a way to wake up. Forgot to mention I forgot my nice shoes and my away bag with my make up. At least between sil, mom and I it wasn't a complete disaster.

On the ride up it was he worst car ride ever and I mean ever. I'm not sure if was the stress of the situation or the rushing This morning or the early morning and late night. What ever it was it was aweful. All I can say about it is this I really need to fix me quick before I loose it. I feel like my life is spinning out of control. We got to Bishop an hour early and went potty and got gas. Then we sat at the cemetery. I will say it is so beautiful up there it was green with trees and my uncle picked an amazing resting place.

The service was beautiful and my uncle is an amazing man. He has a love for his wife like no other. Instead of sorrow in his voice he was grateful for having the opportunity to love my aunt. It was truely beautiful to see how much he loved her. It was also wonderful to see how much she loved her kids. She loved them with out judgement. As the Bishop said she put them first. It made me sad I must say to see how much I missed out. It also reminded me of the kind aunt she was. She gave great hugs and would give you her clothes off her back if you said you liked them. When we were in Hawaii for my brothers wedding we got tattooed together with my uncle. I am saddened for my grandmother for the loss of her daughter, for my uncle for the loss of his wife, for my cousins for the loss of their mother and best friend. Sad for my mom and my uncles and aunts! To loose a sister and step sister! I am sad because she was only 52 and so much fun! It was sad to see my family because of this crappy reason. Life is too short to only see each other when someone dies! Come on!

I am not sure what happened but we didn't get to go to the life ceremony and I am not sure why? But we went and got lunch and drove the long drive home. While at the funeral sil sat in the car with mlmm and mlh. ( this was a blessing, not sure if my mom would have been able to handle the little ones). So the drive there from ridgecrest and now the long drive back home I believe this was all the kids could handle. I wish we would have gone to the luncheon I think it would have been good for them to get out of the car.

On the way home mlh was trying to play his DS in the car and couldn't see the screen. So he was trying to put a blanket in the window. This was so funny! Sil was driving and he would say "okay I'm ready" and she would roll up the window. Then he would say something like lets try again. So down went the window! Then up went the window. After about 10 tries mod said "let me do it!" So up then down then up and down! Well I never should have gotten involved because then she said "you can do it since you think your so cleaver!" I was totally shocked and sil started laughing it was so funny and yet oh so wrong. So I unbuckled and gave it a go! Well it was harder than I planned and I didn't get it either. So I guess I'm not so cleaver. Oh mlh has a new favorite saying " konnichiwa" he says this to everyone then starts laughing. Thank you Alvin and the chipmunks. I guess it better than when he would sing all the single ladies really loud!

After stopping at the Mojave brewery to buy rootbeer and use the restroom, and see the old house ( which made me sadder)! I stuck my bags in moms car and mo and mlmm continued with them. While sil and I had mod and mlh. We got off in palmdale to get milk! And $370.00 worth of groceries! Only groceries! No sodas no Walmart extras. Just the basics and shampoo, laundry soap, toilet paper and paper towels. This has to last 3 WEEKS! I don't see why food is still so high! I can't understand it. Mom took the kids home to the man and we finished shopping. I guess mlmm and papa fought in the car and mlmm won. I wish I could have seen her in action. I always miss it! When we got home it was so crazy and wow!

Made chicken, corn on the Cobb, and mashed potatoes. ( we were gonna BBQ but the BBQ is broken)! The house was hot because of all the cooking so air on and food done! Ate and cleaned! Sil bathed he little ones and getting home so late made it crazy and I tired. Tired from the drive tired from the funeral tired from the sadness and just tired!

today had funny moments and fast moments but mostly sad moments.

I believe Ridgecrest is hotter than h e double hockey sticks!

This morning I felt like I was completely out of sorts. The house was manageable and I was in that great sleeping place right before you wake up when the mans alarm starting going off. Hello 5 am! After getting the alarm turned off and mlmm being awake I tried to compromise with her and gave her some lemonade ( since we didn't have milk or orange juice) and turned on monsters Inc so I could try to go back to sleep! That is totally not possible! She kept opening my eyes to show me parts of the movie which I have probably seen 100 times (it was mod favorite!) Then she would say " mom don't sleep this is really funny movie see see don't sleep) so after an hour of this I gave up and laid in bed trying not to have her wake up anyone else and watched the funny movie wih her.

After monsters Inc was over I could no longer keep her quiet so eventually every one woke up one by one. Do to tomorrow's event I knew I needed to get the house in order, do laundry and get the kids on board so I could leave on time. Called mom and made arrangements to meet up and follow but we were a couple of minutes behind due to mod having to get fitted for her cheerleader outfit and man is that a choir. Undershirt, spanks, shocks, shoes, uniform not to tight not to long wow! So much! At least the coach seems to be the right fit for mod. She is a cop and doesn't believe in anything revealing, nothing to tight, no crap from anyone I am the coach and that is that. I love it because I think mod really needs someone like This in her life.

Drove to hot Ridgecrest and I just want everyone to know that this place is hotter than h e double hockey sticks! I can not believe it! I think that even the car doesn't like it here. So Got to my grandma and papa's house and then we drove to the hotel and I really think I need to move somewhere where it is cold! ( or maybe I need to shead some pounds) mom and dad swam with the kids and sil and I drove to the store to get flooties and then dinner. I have decided that the Kmart here is a total rip off and that the people here are being totally ripped. Just because the big business can. I can buy this stuff for like half the price and gas is so expensive. What! How is this possible and why?

So we got dinner and ate and then jumped in the pool! I can not believe how good it felt. I can also not believe how my mood has changed just from a pool. I am back on my pool mission. While swimming mlh and mo decided to not pay attention and while mo was jumping up and down in the water mlh jumped in the water and well. Mlh took a bite out of mo and scalped him. So mlh was crying mo was crying I put mlh on the side of the pool and checked his mouth...a chipped tooth a loose tooth and a bump on his chin which is now black and blue. Mo having seen blood started panicking so up to see Nana we went I swear I think my kids think I am a bad mom or something when they are sick they want her when they are hurt they want her. I do love it and yes I maybe caused this seeing how the sight of some of my injuries make me cry and about faint! So I take the blame! Thanks mom! Anyway got the head checked and a puncture and a small scalping! Its amazing how crybaby my boys are!

Swam some more (while swimming mlh said he needed some super super glue to fix his tooth, I am so lucky to have him he keeps me laughing) oh mlmm jumped in the pool all by her self with only arm flooties on yeah! I have another fish! I got out and got the kids bathed. Watched some America's funniest videos! Listened to mlmm cry for milk! ( getting her some at breakfast) watched mod be so sweet and called her dad To pray! I'm loving it! Mlh fell asleep first. While typing this sil started singing " blinded by the light" because of the light on my phone in her eyes in this dark hotel room. She cracking me up today I knew there was a reason I asked her to come with me. Its too bad I am here under such sad reasons it would be nice to see more family. Tomorrow we are getting up at 5 am again to drive to Bishop and I have decided that I really do not want a funeral! Just a life party no sadness and no grave stuff its really just too sad! Well praying tonight for a great day as much is allowed and for the kids to not make me want to kill them in public!

well its official! I am a complete wine bag!... new meaning for the phrase talk to the hand!

Well its official! I'm a complete wine bag! Did not sleep at all and I have the biggest headache! I am not sure if this headache is because of the heat or lack of food but whatever it is I want it gone! We are still out of milk so I made cinnamon toast and strawberries for breakfast. Mlmm sat and cried because she wants milk and I am so over the crying! ( Don't get me wrong I feel bad, but I am doing the best and its not like I'm not feeding her... we just don't have money yet). After breakfast I realized that it was gonna be a hot and sticky day. Even with the doors and windows closed I am already hot and the air needs to be turned on! Because of the heat I told the kids it was Wii and movie day! I had hoped to go shopping this morning but that will have to wait until pay day!

Watched Ella enchanted and made popcorn for the kids. I sat with the biggest headache and wondered how I could make this headache go away! Drank a Dr. Pepper and took 800mg of advil! Still have a headache so it must be lack of food or sleep! When its hot I just ant seem to get anything done including eating. While the kids watched the movie I did laundry and dishes. After the movie I decided it was Wii time so we played Wii and the man came home and decided that he would fix my attitude by servicing the AC. Although I should have been grateful I was unable to because I knew we had different opinions on comfort. He is a 80 is great and I'm a 70 feel wonderful.

While under the house the man found some yucky and cute things. I guess at first he thought there was a skunk under the house. He said he saw this black thing with its tail in the air. Then he said hiding his face incase he got spayed crawled closer. I wish I could have seen this I bet I would have been laughing. Then he realized it was a baby cat. So he gave the cat to the kids oh great just what I need another mouth to feed! They came in and yes the at is friendly and cute but after a long hour and the kids crying the man caved in and told them They could keep it. What? you got to be kidding me right? This is a total joke! No, he told them they could keep it but they had to clean the litter box and bathe it and Oh my! So I sat on the couch in a hot house and became the Meany. I am now a mean mom! I told the kids to make sure it wasn't the neighbors before I took it to the pound. Then realizing it was still was a baby told the man it still has a mommy. He then told me how there is a dead animal under the house YUCK! He thinks its a bunny! So the air got turned on and the kids went next door!

I went out side to tell the man that the power was surging and after turning the AC off to check the power. We were outside and wow what a storm. Thunder and lighting to bad it wasn't dark. It wasn't raining but misting like the misters were on. The neighbor came over and yes it is one of her many cats and its a boy. So thank you God! Then she says you can keep it if you want. No we have dogs and then the water works started all over. Thankfully she got it and told the kids how his dad would miss him. Thank you neighbor! because of the storm the cat got spooked and took off back under the house. The neighboor talked to us for a while and showed us her picture of the large cat prints that were on her property last month and told us about her cat that was taken. ( I'm talking like mountain lion big paw prints). I think I would freak out if that was our house. The neighbor left and we turned off everything and the AC went back on. The humidity is so high that the swamp will not work. Set it at 78 which is better then what the house was it was 87 and oh so sticky. I was a dripping mess. The kids caught the cat and took him home. ( If mod had her way we would have every animal known to man the sick and broken) The man fixed the hole so can't return under the house and I ate some chips and salsa. Not the best dinner but it wasn't hot and didn't make a mess.

Got the kids bathed and they ate left overs from last night. We watched some americas got talent and then watched wipe out! I love this show there is nothing funnier then watching people getting there butt kicked and falling off things. I also love the "can" sounds way too funny! Mlh kept saying "wait for it, wait for it, go go. Oh man You should have waited for it". Like he's some wipeout pro. Mlmm started this new thing where my hand is her baby. Not sure if its because she needs a new baby doll or if its because she wants my attention? Whatever the case she is now always holding my hand to her chest and saying "oh baby!" Then she talks to it, new meaning for the phrase talk to the hand! Ha ha.

Turned the AC down and I have the fan blowing on my body. I am praying for sleep.

June gloom where are you? please come and rescue me!

Okay how many days until fall. I know the heat just started and I should be thankful because of my garden and all the veggies but I am not liking this heat. In fact I hate it! I am up late tossing and turning and wishing it was nice in here. I think my mom ruined me! Yep she did, she always has the house at 69 and having it at 76 is truely killing me.

Mom came and got the kids first thing this morning and took them to the beach with her. With all the kids gone I did dishes and laundry. Picked up the house and watched the TV that I can't watch with the kids up or home. It was nice to clear off stuff on my dvr. Mo and sil came and man I think they brought the heat with them.

When mom brought the kids home it was so funny to see them covered in sand. I guess they buried each other in the sand. All I can say about that is there is sand in places it shouldn't be. Ha! I wish I could have kept it for our pool. There was so much! While the kids were getting bathed I decided to be stupid and cook!

I made a salad, spaghetti with a creamy meat sauce, bread and I even made a peach cobbler. So after cooking I couldn't even think about eating. I was so hot and I thought I was gonna pass out or puke! So I left after mlh and mlmm prayed the cutest prayer I went into the bathroom and decided to take a cold shower. I really miss our pool. In Bakersfield I would jump into the pool while cooking so I could be cool. But no pool and I was hot! So after the shower I still couldn't eat because of the heat.

Watched some so you think you can dance and before it was over I was grouchy, tired and hot! Sil went with mlh so she could get him to sleep, mod was hot and went to sleep on her own but not before expressing her anger about her room, the dog, and the heat. Mo fought with me about going to bed and mlmm fell asleep on my lap. The man went to bed after getting back from the meeting about cheer and football. He came home all in a huff, I guess they didn't make since and didn't give any directions earlier about stuff that should have been turned in. Sil went to bed and since no one is awake mo is finally going to bed.

I am up it's hot! I hate it and I am trying to see the positive today but all I see is hot hot hot! I know not like Bakersfield hot, I am sorry to all my bako friends. Bako nights are a no bueno. I have decided that we are going to need to see about getting that air on tomorrow. Or at least shutting all the doors and windows before the hot starts tomorrow. I also am not cooking in the heat again! Yuck! June gloom where are you please come and rescue me!

played sick today with mod... it was so nice!

Well mod decided that we should have a sick day with out being sick! So we sat and watched TV and talked and for the most part did nothing. It was truely wonderful. I forgot how busy we are and how nice it is to just sit and do nothing. I think mod loved it more then me. We got the scrapbooks started and watched movies.

So I really have nothing exciting to say about today. We had tuna sandwiches for lunch and tacos for dinner. The man worked overtime and did a side job and got home late. We watched crabs and cried and now we are getting ready for bed... mod is still up late and this may backfire for her tomorrow since she needs to be up early but oh well. Mo returns tomorrow and I will be glad to see him.

To my family that no longer talks to me... can't we move past our past and try again. I am sorry and I miss you everyday.

Today I woke up all ready to go. Got the little ones dressed and got mod dressed and ready for her audition. We were out the door to moms to drop off the little ones. We got there and I have never seen them so excited for me to leave. Got back in the car and on our way to fox studios we went. Mod practicing her slides the whole way there. She kept saying "mom I just need to land one big job!" It makes me sad for her but she is definitely thicker skined than I am. We arrived early and it was a good thing since we walked to the building and up the stairs only for me to realize that I left her head shot in the car. So we walked back to the car got the head shot then back to the building. Signed in and watched the talent before us and after.

While we were there we saw an older girl that looked like mod only she was like eleven and oh so tiny. That is mod downfall she performs great she gets call backs but can not land it in the end. Not sure if its because of the eleven year old kids that look like eight year old kids or if she chokes. What ever it is she definitely wants it bad. Her new desire is to do a lot of photo shoots so she can get better head shots. All I can do is pray!

So she went in and was out in like a blink! I asked her what happened and she said she was done. She explained to me that she nailed it in one take and was done. The other girls took the entire 15 minutes and mod took like 5. Well we will have to see! I forgot how much I like spending time alone with her and how much she talks. She doesn't talk this much when all the other kids are around. She totally reminds me of myself only she has a drive I never had. She performs and loves it just like I do only she is not afraid of anything or at least she doesn't act like it. I love her willingness to succeeded and her passion for making it. I was only a dream for me and to watch her it is amazing. Everytime I ask her "what would happen if we couldn't afford to go to any more auditions?" She always cries and says "please don't give up on me I would just die mom!" How could I say no to that.

We stopped off at subway and then drove to moms to get the little ones. Got to mom's and the kids were just getting into the pool so mod got her swimsuit on jumped in. By the look on there faces I knew something was up. It was 92 outside and 95 in the pool yuck! So after a little swim I made them get out before they got sick. I can't even imagine swimming in water that warm. Its okay when its cold outside but When its warm out side...all I keep thinking about is stomach aches and heat sickness ad puking.

Got back in the house with the kids and the man showed up to fix the phone line. I guess when he was in the attic yesterday something happened. So he went back into the attic and before I knew it he was back down and was leaving. He asked me to wait to come home so he can fix something on the car. So I waited and while I waited mom got a phone call and the look on her face scared me and I knew it was a bad call. When she got off the phone she had the look of shock then slowly explained that my aunt Kim had just passed away. She is younger than my mom and it definitely was not the phone call I expected. She is so young! All I can think about is how my grandma must be feeling and how this happened. (Kim is my grandma Shirley's daughter) Although she is my aunt by marriage I never have felt this way. I know that other people in my family are weird about titles and the whole flesh and blood thing but I have never been this way. I have a very mixed and wonderful family and I love it. I just wish everyone else could get over titles and move on.

So I drove home with a heavy heart and When we got home the man was still working on the truck. I let the kids play outside watered the plants and tried not to cry. Got the kids bathed and since they worn out from being at moms and swimming in that hot pool they feel asleep early.

I am left up late saddened and wondering how I would feel if people in my family that I haven't seen or spoken to in a long time passed away what I would say what I wish I would have said and why is my family so close but so far away. So here is what I have come up with. I would be heartbroken, devastated, and more lonely. To my family that no longer talks to me... can't we move past our past and try again. I am sorry and I miss you everyday. You have grandkids whom you have never met and are innocent. Can't we try for them. There is no greater love then the love of a child and I wish to no longer only see my family at funerals.

Mod has an audition for film tomorrow!..."dad go poop already!"

Well I woke up late this morning which totally through my day off completely. I had planed to go to church this morning and waking up late made it impossible to go. So only having one car and seeing how the man had a side job at moms away we went to moms. Got the kids dressed and out the door no breakfast no nothing. The man wanted to get there before it got hot seeing how he had to crawl in the attic. Yuck! So I closed up the house grabbed the cupcakes and away we went.

Got to moms and no breakfast and no egges left, mom made mod and mlh egges on a nest but ran out of eggs seeing how mlmm was out of eggs in a nest I gave her fruitloops which she didn't eat... I do not think she cared to much all she wanted to do was swim. Made frosting for the cupcakes and printed mods slides (mod has an audition and slides are her lines) for tomorrow while the man was hard at work! Got swimsuits on all three and after applying sunscreen away they went.

We hung outside and watched the kids play and swim. Although it was warm it was nice and peaceful. Mom and I watched the men do yard work and laughed. You should see her plants she potted they are amazing. ( I think this is where I get my love of gardening from... I forgot how much she used to love it!) They ( the men) cut down the palm leaves and cut back the roses. It was great to watch them work so hard. All I did was sit on the swing all day!

After lunch we went over mod's slides for tomorrow and she said something so wonderful to my heart. " mom maybe we should pray for me before I go and get this part tomorrow!" I feel for her...she no longer looks like a young kid but doesn't look old and she is so tall that it really messes things up for her. So I am gonna ask for prayer for my daughter... prayer that she rocks her audition tomorrow...and they don't care how tall she is!

Got all the kids out of the pool and mom spent 30 minutes trying to get the green out of mods hair. Usually it isn't a big deal but tomorrow she is auditioning for film and that means No Green! So tomato paste...baking soda...then finally she was drying her hair and sprayed her hair with some heat active stuff and the rest of the green came out. Her hair has a tent of strawberry not as much platinum but all and all it looks great. ( no green)! Thanks mom. Tonight I was smart and bathed all the kids and put on PJ'S then fed them and drove home.

On a funny note the man said something on the way home that still has me laughing in bed rift now. He said " all I keep thinking about is so I married an axe murder" right then I knew what part of the movie he was thinking about because I had thought the exactly the same thing earlier today. He said " you know the part where rose says what do you say to silver dollar pancakes fresh squeezed orange juice Bacon and kona coffee? Then he says sounds great... then rose brings him a bowl of fruit loops and says sorry we didn't have any of those things!" I started laughing then he said " what happened to a BBQ and I thought she said stake. Don't get me wrong Chili was good for lunch but not for lunch and dinner. I'm gonna be sick tonight!" Sometimes I swear we are one!

When we got home I watered the garden and the rock garden. Checked on the lady bugs. We watched Americas funniest videos and that is when mlmm said something so funny to the man. He had farted and she said " dad go poop already! Go poop in the potty now. You can use my potty. You smell you need to go poop" she kept repeating this over and over and I thought it was so funny. He also kept telling me to stop it because he didn't want mlh to puke. He opened the door and told us to shhhh! Then said it was all my fault I made him eat beans twice. That's right I tied him to the chair and forced him to eat that chili. I am so strong!

We attempted to put the kids to bed so we could have alone time. Ha ya right! The man goes to bed before the sun goes down. So I rocked mlmm to sleep mod went to bed on her own ( she really wants this part). She said she needed to not have bags under her eyes... what does an eight year old know about bags anyway? She is too funny. While rocking mlmm I caved in and let mlh come and hang out on the couch until he fell asleep! I am gonna pay for this I just know it. But like my girlfriend always says they don't go to kindergarten wearing diapers. So I guess I will enjoying them being young while I can.

So here I am in bed planing out my day for tomorrow and I am sad that I didn't go to church but mod prayed with her dad. Mlh asked me to pray with him and the man said he would make it up to me and go to church next week. I will be praying!

ladybugs and honeybees! oh my!

Woke up this morning when mlmm opened my eye with her fingers. "Mommy" she said " are you awake". I am now I guess is what I should have said. I think it is so funny when kids do this, but come on again I am up at 5 I need sleep. So I closed the windows and shut the blinds and let mod and mlh sleep in. Well kinda sleep in I had to wake them up at 8 so we could go and get the Veggies.

After getting Veggies we went and got coffee, and then to lowes To look for some fencing for the pumpkins and for some ladybugs. Our pumpkins are pushing out of the area we had for them. I didn't know how big of an area they needed. Holy moly! They are so big and we just got fruit. I guess they need they some space as my entire garden.

Well they didn't have the ladybugs and after the little ones ran around the store I was done. The check out lady told us where to go to get ladybugs and away we drove. I already had To drive 20 minutes to palmdale and now I am driving to some place called quartz hills just for ladybugs. They better not fly away. While in the store mlh decided to open the ladybug container and started screaming with joy " ladybugs! Ladybugs! Mom look at all the ladybugs!" I looked at the boy behind the counter and then looked down at my kids trying to pick them all up. Mlh was almost in tears he was so sad then the boy explained to the kids that it happens and to get another one. Mlh was so excited! So out the door we went with two containers of ladybugs a total of like 3000. I explained to the kids that they better not open up those ladybugs that's all I need is 3000 ladybugs in my car.

On the way back the man called. I missed his call and called him back his voice mail sounded so concerned. When I called him back He asked me the craziest question. "Where are you?" I realized that he was home early and explained that I had gone to Lowes and then to quartz hills to buy ladybugs and that I was on my way back. Then he said " what's with all the bees in the house"! I thought he was joking then I realized that he was serious and then he explained that when he came home the kitchen was covered with honey bees. When I got home he was not joking. He had to use a fogger and he said he leaned under the house and throw one under the house. There was still so many honeybees inside and outside the house. I am so glad I left in the morning I am so allergic. There where no bees when I left in the morning. Got rid of the bees and got all the stuff out of my car. Because the man came home I still have to To shopping for milk.

Watched some TV with the kids and the man and then the neighbor came over to put a cake in our refrigerator (her daughters birthday party is today and she ran out of room in her refrigerator) then she invited the kids to bounce in the jump house. So we pushed pause on the TV and I took the kids down to jump in the bounce house. Well not knowing what time the party started I realized that there were more and more teenagers around so I got the kids out and we went home. Mlmm was kicking and screaming all the way home. She informed me that her birthday is coming up...she wants her own Nintendo DS and a bounce house all by her self. Too funny little almost three year old. So I guess we will be getting a bounce house!

We ate nachos for dinner which mod hated and then the kids and the man fed the snakes. Followed by showers and finally the release of the ladybugs. I followed the instructions and watered down the garden and then we let them go. Thankfully they didn't go anywhere. When we watered down the garden all the bugs came out and oh my do we have bugs and the ladybugs didn't move. I have never seen then eat like that. I think tomorrow when we let the other ladybugs go the will stay also because I'm telling you my garden is infested.

Sitting here watching funniest videos with the kids the man went to bed so wishing it was me. I am rocking mlmm and my eyes are barely open. I need sleep and for my heart to stop aching. We have a big day tomorrow...praying to get up and our the door on time! I miss the loud one ( not all the crazy... I just miss the hugs and sweetness).. he is my sweat one sometimes. I also miss all the hugs from R. I do not have a hugger like R and her parents are lucky. Maybe I can trick the wipe off girl to be a hugger? Or maybe? The neighbors party is still going strong... I bet we don't get any sleep. Sweet sixteen and oh so many girls! Laughing and yelling and giggling! I think the mans gonna have a fit. I'm not sure what's funnier. The man pissed off, the barking dogs, or the girls. This is gonna be a long night!

Pizza, popcorn and Harry Potter who can ask for anything more!

Cleaned house this morning I mean cleaned...I started in mod's room and then mo's room and then the office. I finished all three rooms before the kids woke up. I feel like the house moves at a different speed when mo is gone. Not a bad thing just different. I am not sure if I like it. Mod and mlh are my sleeper- iners while mo and mlmm are up at the crack of dawn. Going to bed so late has made them all sleep in. After mod woke up she came in and saw her room I think she was shocked. Shocked that I cleaned it and shocked that I cleaned it so early. Got the house done excepted the moping when the man came home for lunch. I asked him if he could finish the moping when he got home so I could leave and so my shoulder wouldn't hurt so bad the next day.

Got the kids out the door on the way to my moms for some swimming and nails. When we got there mom had lunch ready and then we did nails, watched the kids swim, then we got sucked into the ABC's Harry Potter Marathon. Mlmm loves the first three... so mom put the first one on and that was that. Pizza popcorn and Harry Potter who could ask for more.

While watching Harry Potter mlmm was making me laugh. She is so funny especially when my mom is around. She loves her so much I love it! It makes me remember how close I was with my Nana, I was her favorite granddaughter you know. ( I was the only one ha!) So we watched the movie and watched my little ones fight to stay awake. Then off to home we went. Stupid me I should have bathed them before we left because the little ones fell asleep as soon as we got into the car. On the way home the new JB (Justin Bieber) song came on and although mlmm was asleep she woke up to sing the song. She loves music as much as I do I believe. As soon as the song was over she closed her eyes and back to sleep. This happens all the time and mod just laugh and laugh. As soon as we got home both babies woke up screaming. Because of this they pretty much got a 30 minute nap and they were up wild and crazy. Bathed the little ones and as soon as mod got out of the shower (because of her blonde hair it takes forever to get the green out).

We watched paulie and she waited for her dad to call. She called at 9:30 and left him a message then she made me call him again at 10 something and again at 11 then right before 11:30 I got a hold of him she was so relieved. Too cute, they made a pact to pray together every night. Not his doing but hers. I love how God works through different people. Especially our kids! Love it love it love it. So they prayed and talked and then she was asleep in like thirty seconds. It was like her body was done. Hung the phone up after saying good night to the man and here I am up late again. I swear I am going to go to bed early someday.

Mo did laundry...I am a jam rock star!

Got up this morning and I am so tired. I can not believe it I feel like I need to go back to sleep and sleep for days and days. My wonderful sil got up and feed the kids. I think from crying last night mod is tired too. I got in the shower and I love taking long showers and since moving into our new house which is on a well I haven't been able to do that. I just sat there in the peace and quiet and let the shower hit my skin and it was so renewing. Still can't eat and my heart is still aching.

While getting ready to leave I saw mo do something I am so proud of. He set the timer and was helping sil with the laundry. Before I knew it he was out the door and came back in with the sheets, had put the other clothes in the dryer and went back out to start the next load. What! How did this happen and why isn't he doing this at our house. I guess things are gonna have to change at home. I did ask him why he doesn't help at home his response was what I thought it would be " because he doesn't have to hang up the clothes". Ha I knew that was the case I hate hanging up clothes too. But I bet I am more green then most people, it also saves us money. I still think it will change...he's gonna start when he returns. I used to love doing laundry when I was younger. I loved to see that pile gone it was like I accomplished something.

Sil made sack lunches for the kids and away we went. Saw the puppies on the side of the freeway and drove through tehachapi. I love the drive and it seems to not be as long even though it probably is. On the way home I decided to spend money we didn't have to buy a pot big enough to can and some pectin so I could fix that stupid jam that looked like syrup. When we got home mod and I started all over by sterilizing the jars and putting all the syrup back into the pot. Mixed some pectin and away we went. The awesome thing about having that big pot is I fit them all in at once. Now we have jam. The first one that looks like jam. Finally! I am jam rock star! Now we will have To see what it tastes like. I also do not like the way strawberry/plum jam smells like yuck! It must be me. The kids said it taste great on the taste test.

Made tuna melts for dinner and since the kids slept the whole way home they stayed awake forever. They are usually in bed by seven thirty eight at the latest. It took them until 10:30 to all fall asleep. I am so tired! The man went to bed early and I am up. Like always I know he has a job!

I forgot to mention I called an old friend yesterday and it didn't kill me it was like old times. I want to say thank you for allowing me to call dump all my problems with out judgement. You gave me sound advice and I know that this is exactly what I needed. I love you and I am forever grateful for our friendship. You are the best!

"mommy look at all those puppies!"

Woke up this morning and it 3:30 and I thought I was gonna throw up. I laid back down and then woke up right before 5 and this time it happened. I realized that mlh had crawled into bed with me and had peed all over me. Yuck! So not only was I puking I also was covered in pee. I could not believe it no one else was sick. I continued being sick for most of the morning. Being sick with 5 kids sucks. I fed the kids and realized that I needed to still drive r and mo to Bakersfield. Waited until the man got home and the drove to Bakersfield. With my heart full of sadness I looked back and saw the girls crying. It was heartbreaking I know that they hate it when they do not see each other.

On the way mlmm who slept almost the whole way down woke up and said the funniest thing. Looking out the window she yelled with such excitement "mommy look at all those puppies!" At first I thought maybe she saw puppies so here I was looking for puppies but all I saw was cows. Then I heard the laughter and realized that I wasn't the only one looking for puppies. Mod said "no those are cows". "Nooo!" Mlmm said so sure of herself. Then mod said "cow like mooo" then mlh chimed in "yeah mooo" "nooowa puppies!" This continue for a couple of minutes then I chimed in and I still do not think she believes me. So now every time I see cows I will think of puppies.

Got to beautifully hot bako picked up sil and went to Denny's. The kids ate and I just kept thinking I can not believe how bad my stomach hurts. Before it was even time to order mlmm yelled at the server to let him know that she wanted Mac and cheese now. I forget how impatience kids can be. Everyone ordered and it was mlh turn and he is so funny. He said "I want pancakes." The man asked him if he wanted any meat and before the server could finish he said "pan-cakes." It was like he was saying hello I want just pancakes! Duh I told you! After laughing and telling him to be nice. We had a nice dinner. Drove r home and then to sil house to stay the night and drop mo off.

I am sitting in her cold home which is wonderful since I think it is like 90 outside still. This trip is gonna be so short. I am leaving first thing in the morning so I can let my dogs out. Mod cried herself to sleep and I am up late heartbroken and praying in a way I haven't prayed in a long time.

Jam, shirts and wiping my kisses off!

I woke up this morning and started printing pictures for the girls scrapbooks. When the kids decided to wake up we ate breakfast and washed laundry. I put on a movie for the older kids so I could start cleaning in order to make some jam today. I finished cleanind made Mac n cheese for the kids and jam making was on. My goal was to have it set. Well the girls come in an R stirred the jam and mod helped get the jars ready. We did a taste test and loaded up those jars. Sealed the jars and I think it didn't work. I do not understand. I followed the directions added the time for the elevation and it looks worse than the last batch. This batch looks like syrup. I guess I will have to wait until tomorrow to see how bad it is. I am not giving up on this jam thing. I am gonna figure this out if it kills me.

I promised to make shirts today so after cleaning up the jam mess. I got into the shirt mode and sat in the computer room trying to get the shirts done. There is nothing worse than trying to figure out how to make the shirts and going on line trying to make it reversed or mirror image and spending all this time to realize that your printer has a button that you check and its done like that. I can not believe it. At least next time it will take only 5 minutes. It was funny to see the girls discuss which picture hey wanted to use. I have decided that R is a planner to the most extreme and mod is a doer. That is why they get along! I think that if R had her way she would have a time sheet out with our hour to hour all planned. Its too funny! So we ironed the shirts and I think they have 10 outfits the same.

The man BBQ ed some chicken and I made potatoes, greenbeens and bread. I love simple meals like this so do the kids. Got the kids to bed and now I am laying in bed woundering how tomorrow will work out.

On a funny note this evening mlmm fell asleep on my lap and I told the girls to watch. I kissed all over her face... this is the only way she wont wipe them off and say "off!" I have never seen mod laugh in silent before. Then she said " I'm gonna tell her tomorrow and see what she does". I think it is so funny I wonder where she got that from. She just started doing it. I know she has done it to my mom before but never to me.

Got the jam, shirts, and pictures printed! Only scrapbooks left and magic mountain left on R's list. I think those things might have to wait until later on this summer. Not to bad we have been going and going since she got here.

I permantly have stupid on my forehead...heartbroken, disappointed and lonely!

This morning I woke up and got the little ones ready to to swimming. Got out the door and drove to Nanas for breakfast and to see my older kids. ( the man stayed home to fix the car and have alone time) I guess fireworks were awesome and the kids had a great time. This made me happy to know that they had a great time. After super chef made breakfast and h put sunscrean on all the kids. ( breakfast was awesome) This was a big blessing because I have an issue with rub on sunscreen. It totally freaks me out and after using it I have to wash my hands for ever. I can not stand the way it makes my hands feel. Wash soap rinse and repeat over and over. So away went the kids. Being smart I decided to wear my swimsuit. ( not getting soaked today!)

Took pictures and then jumped in. So crazy last time the pool was too hot and today it was cold. So started enjoying the coolness when my dad let in the dog and out I went. I am not sure if its because of getting scratched by my moms dog Leila or what but I am not a swim with big dogs kind of person. So I told my babies to stay away and I got out. This is the moment when I should have packed up my kids and went home but, I permantly have stupid on my forehead and I care too much. ( this is what the man says my problem is).

So I sat and dried off and watched the kids swim. My uncle came out for a couple minutes then my dad asked if we wanted to play risk. So away went my uncle and I sat alone outside with the dog and kids. Don't get me wrong I love my kids and watching them swim, taking pictures and all that stuff when I'm home in my house. But I'm not at my house and to sit outside alone while the rest of the adults sat inside and have a good time not fun. I felt like I was being ignored on purpose so I would leave so they could have a great time with out me and my kids. So a little after 2 hours of being left out I had had enough. ( also my stupid sun poisoning was bothering me). So I got my kids out of the pool quietly got the out the door and the whole way home kept thinking your the stupid one for letting them go last night you knew this would happen. This always happens! Wake up and stop being the doormat.

Got home and helped the man move my boxes that I still haven't unpacked so we can get both cars in the garage. I guess he had a great time and I am not sure if its because I didn't or if its because the house was still a mess from yesterday but whatever the case I totally lost it tonight and now I am lonely, disappointed and heartbroken. Disappointed because I thought it was gonna be different, heartbroken because I trusted and believed, lonely because I am alone! I will never have a relationship with my parents like my brother does. I believe they have a bond that I will never understand or have. ( Mothers and their bonds with their boys. I have 2 boys and don't understand it. I thought that when you get older it was different but not so ( the man said its because you care about everything and everyone and they don't, maybe he's right). I have to work and give and apologize and give and apologize and work. Its so tiring and I do not think I want to continue down this path and cycle. The man said I could blame him... if he would have been there then he would have been outside. So its all his fault haha!

Printed pictures of the girls for their scrapbooks. I only need photos h took and then we can get started tomorrow. Also gonna try to make shirts and jam so busy busy day! Had a good memory of our childhood today made me smile. Going to the city pool and walking around with our Safeway feet! The things that were safe when we were younger.

Praying to have the strength to call old and make new friends. I wish to no longer be lonely anymore. Being sad I tried to eat some turtle pie this is when I realized that all that chocolate just made me sick and now I am wishing I could take it back. Yuck! This pain is for a reason and I guess I will suffer through it.

I want conversation and fun! Not eat and run! Happy 4th of July!

Where are the clean house fairies I really could have used them this morning. Got up early and turn on the radio and started cleaning. The man started helping and after getting the kids up and on board we were on the way. I love to hear my kids sing it brings me joy. Nothing like hearing my two year old scream " yep that's my GaGa!" Or hearing my four year old singing "baby baby baby oh like baby baby baby" to much I need to get a video recorder. Got everything done except my room and then uncle Sean showed up. It was so nice I haven't seen him in a long time. Mo called my mom and they are still coming. I didn't even have time to take down the clothes before the mans coworker and his wife arrived followed by my h and super chef and then the parents.

The dinner went by so fast and before I knew it everyone was on there way home. My neice came to me with puppy teary eyes because she wanted the girls to go too...then my nephew wanted mo and I was stuck with crying kids all around me. ( it was probally a set up and I feel for it hook line and sinker) I even told the kids before hand not to even ask. But, that was a joke! So there went all the older kids to see the firework show. Although I wanted to go I didn't want to go and experience the drama from last year! I also didn't want to go alone I wanted the man to go with me. But that was not going to happen!

So I bathed the babies and got them into bed. The man hung outside with our neighbors and Sean. I have decided that mlmm is going to be a great mom. She is always holding her baby at night and while typing my blog she woke up and was looking for her baby. She picked her up and snuggled in bed with her under her arm and in the covers. I love the way she makes her babies Watch TV and the way she punishes them. It reminds me of mod and how fast they grow up. I remember just having her.

The kids are asleep and I know that I should go outside but, I can't. I saw my husband earlier give our neighbor his jacket which wasn't a big thing but then I saw her smell it. Not to see if it was clean you know that inhale and take it all in smell eyes closed and all. So I am laying in bed with our windows open listening to her laugh and yes I like her I am now not sure where we stand. I have also decided that I am way to tired to be the party house I never get enough sleep I don't drink and I no longer want to be the dishwasher and cleaner while everyone is having a good time. I know that the man gets great joy out of it. I am not sure if all the cleaning and stress is worth it when my family only ate, watched tv and ran. I know that's how there are well I'm not sure if I want to do it anymore. I want conversation and fun! Not eat and run!If I did this they would freak. That is why the man said next time we go to any of their homes as a family he is only staying a couple of minutes eating and leaving. I mean in the car before the coles are cold. No swimming no talking no nothing. Thanks the food was good, leave a big mess and go.

On a good note the man is happy because the big kids are gone...and his coworker brought their bikes and mo got to ride and crash. He is fine just a flesh wound. Haha its just scrapped! The bike is fine . I am gonna have to find money before Christmas and buy gear and a bike. The kids love it so much and maybe this could be the way to win with mo. I have a feeling that although football starts soon he will not be into it like he is into riding. No fireworks no family and no man. Off to bed then, maybe the stupid barking dog will give it a rest already. Praying the man gets a large check so we can pay our house payment. Bah humbug to the forth of July!

It's Fairlane time!

I love beautiful days like today. Beautiful spring weather in July. Love it no swamp cooler and no air-conditioning. This is the type of weather I wait all year long for. Went and got my veggies this morning and mo,mlmm, and mlh all climbed in the car. Although I knew why, sometimes I like the quiet drive with no kids. The kids were avoiding chores. The man woke up and started weeding. When I got back went out side and started weeding the garden and flowerbeds. Family is coming over tomorrow and the mans Co worker is coming for the fourth. So got to get the house cleaned, outside first. I feel like I blinked today and it was over.

We really didn't do much but clean and the kids played. The man helped our neighbor with some weeds and I met an appraiser. It was like old times talking to strangers. I loved it. Then the kids helped get one of the flower beds cleared out and we planted the ground cover finally. I picked the Pearl onions from the garden and now I want to plant garlic there. I still have like 70 onions that will be ready in 3 weeks. Also have pumpkins that are growing little babies. Mod is so happy that the tomatoes are finnally ripe. She eats the right off the vine.

The man took he boys to the brother in laws to get the fairlane. I think he man is wetting himself he is so excited. I also can't wait To see it again. Although mo didn't want to go mlh wanted to go so he could sleep. He always puts himself to sleep when he's tired. Its too funny. While the man was gone my cousins came to visit and I truely miss them. They brought me some fruit so I'm gonna make some jam again and hopefully it works this time. They couldn't stay long but it was a good visit. I also got to show off the house.

The fairlane is so beautiful and its running. My brother in law did an amazing job. I know I know the man worked hard too. It is so pretty and even though this car has bad blood it is still wonderful to have it home and running. I know that having the car fixed makes the man sad and proud at the same time.

The man made some chicken and I made corn and squash. I love fresh corn on the cob. Its so sweet and juicy. The kids played right up until bed time. Can't wait until tomorrow I hope the family can get along.

Okay God I am here!

I am laying in bed and today has been one of those days where I just want to cry. But I keep hearing those mom words in the back of my mind. Crying. What good is crying? Is it going to make you better or stronger? No! Then man up. Well maybe it will make me feel better... sometimes it does.

Cleaned house this morning so I could have a clean house for the man To come home to. Then loaded the kids in the car and away to nanas house we went. Days like today I really miss my pool. I miss hanging out with the kids swimming and just lounging. So we got to the house and I have never seen kids jump so fast into the pool like I did today. Nana made the kids lunch and then back into the pool they went. The man showed up and that was the cue to get out. He came over so I could take mlmm to the doctors and go shopping for this weekend. ( I also think he's still not feeling good)

Got dressed and sil and I drove mlmm to the doctors. She fell acouple of weeks ago and skinned her elbow. I cleaned it up and didn't think to much about it. After it healed there was a bump and I asked everyone what they thought it was and we were in agreement that all though it was weird it probably was healing wrong. A couple of days ago she fell again and now that bump is loose and looks like a stick or a twig is in her arm it looks like a toothpick cut in half. You can move it. Yuck! Well it now hurts her only once in a while so I thought better have this looked at I didn't want it to be a sowing needle or something like that. Well xrays and an office visit later only to be told that it has moved. They don't know what it is ( but is not medal) and because it is so close to the funny bone nerve she will have to see a general surgeon next Wednesday. Oh and to give her advil if it hurts, to tell her to not to play with it, or touch it . Yeah ill get right on that. She doesn't turn three until September. She picks her scabs, eats bugs, and drinks out of the dog water bowl. What a joke. Where are the good doctors at? the old school I can fix it Dr house doctors. ( Dr. D we totally miss you)! I mean I bet she would have fixed her elbow and found out what's wrong with the man. While telling me don't worry I'm taking good care of your family. Unlike all the doctors up here they just give you a number. All we are to them is a paycheck. I need a new doctor.

Went shopping and I don't know when the last time I went shopping with only one kid was but it was Awesome! I even shopped fast with the help of sil even with her gimp foot. I bought food for Sunday and all of next week. It was so nice to not here I want that...don't push me... maaaoom he/she hit me, pushed me etc etc. So peaceful and I think I even bought under what I usually do. I must do that again.

Got the kids from nanas and drove home. Sil drove home also so sad wont see her until next week. Had leftovers and watched some TV. The mans blood work came back okay so now we wait to see if the medicine starts to work. No phone calls about the auditions from yesterday. I am still hopeful. I think that from all the worry I didn't hardly eat today and now I'm just sad. Not sure why. All I can say is okay God I'm here!

two auditions..."and we come from mooses"

Is it really Thursday? Really! So woke up we ate breakfast and I think that with no sleep from last night because of the girls and all the talkers, all the kids need a nap. I mean ALL the kids need a nap. It is only 8:30 and I am ready for them to sleep. So I decided to make phone calls for sand and man do I wish I had a truck. They want to charge me 100.00 for a delivery fee. I only live 5 miles away. So we still have no sand and no pool. Kids who are crying and fighting and now would be the time to kick them out to swim.

The man came home early to tell me that he needs to go the doctors. This never happens... we have been together for 12 years and he has only gone twice. So I told him all he needed to know and back to work he went. I sat in complete silence and even sil thought this was strange. I know that praying in the middle of the day idlest happen that often I mean really praying but here I am. In my room praying. After praying I decided to reach out and ask the neighbor if she knew anyone with a truck. No luck so far but my fingers are crossed.

While making phone calls I received a email for an audition for mod. I want everyone to know that me being a pack rat is a great thing! I still have my girl scout uniform and that is what her audition called for so I got it out of the closet and she is really skinny or maybe I was really a BIG GIRL! so we got her all ready and then we were on our way out the door and got a call for mo, two auditions. Awesome! Now Im praying that they get the part. I know that this is a tall order but, please God.

After driving to two auditions and hanging out in la I decided to take the kids to dinner. Pizza it is! On the way to dinner mo said the funniest thing! " we came from mooses." After telling him no he then said "yes and birds, birds wings turn into arms". To funny not the evaluation I learn in school. So what are they teaching my kids in school. What happened to monkeys. I laughed so hard even sil could not believe it. too much and too funny. Oh not moose but mooses which isn't even a word still laughing.

On the drive home I decided to show R all the Hollywood sites. HaHa I did this in the car like the vans of tourists. If you look to the left you will see Hollywood Blvd. Do you see all the stars on the sidewalk that is the walk of fame. To the right is the Nokia theater. I did this all the way to universal studios. The kids thought it was funny but I am still not sure about R. After turning up the radio and driving home I decided to let the kids go to bed early. I am such a nice mom. I was so sick of the fighting and crying. The man waiting for us when we got home. I guess we wont know anything until tomorrow. But the medicine I guess is making him feel better. So yeah!

So we came from mooses, my little talker kept me up late talking mlh is so funny. I can't sleep worrying about the man and praying for he kids.