Back and in bed!

Not going to be a big blog. Sick and in bed!

I am going to act like a two year old and kick and scream the whole way!!!

I'm not gonna die in silence anymore. After a long day of crying and trying to rethink my life plan. I decided that I was not going to die in silence if this is the path that I am going down then I am going to act like a two year old and kick and scream the whole way!!! I know that acting like a two year old may get me kicked out of places but I might be fun. I almost just gave up this morning and then I read my in-box and to my surprise I have a couple of cats out there that are reading my diary and all though I started to get scared thinking that this journey might take you down the wrong path with me. H said something to me today that made me think. She said "you have a gift". I am overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness. A gift of not having any secrets and sharing all...I guess I forgot how God works. I forgot that something so silly as a blog could redefine someones life. To get them to ask questions about where they stand with there own relationship with God. To know that we are not alone and that we all go though stuff. Some bad and some great but we all go though stuff. So, to TH who sent me a wonderful bit of encouragement and to JT for the advice on the CD, and to FY for the scripture. Thank you! To all you who I do not know about Thank you for coming along for the ride. A little word of advice you might want to "Mind your heads its gonna be a bumpy ride". Just a note...to all my cats, the rumor about lighting striking when you open up that bible that you are not reading... it isn't true I read Acts 2:42. I also read the study that went along with it called "The Church: Keeping it simple". I am still standing! Socking Right! Try it you might surprise yourself with what you read.

I had my phone on the charger this evening to have a full charge tomorrow... there was a knock on the door it was or neighbor letting me know that my mom was in the hospital. After calling the man and then my uncle I guess they are keeping her... She will be fine! Just when I thought this evening couldn't get any worse my oldest spilled milk all over my new bar and floor. As I started to laugh I saw a glimpse of his dad when he through up his hands and yelled " NO! don't worry about me!!! I'm okay". Why would I worry about him its just milk and man did he get mad when he saw my smile. But, come on its milk! I mean why do we cry over it is it because it costs so much money? After the milk was cleaned up I got him into the action with a good old fashion tickle fight. So on the floor he went... the little helper and I won when he decided to fart on his big brothers face. So gross you boys! but so funny to see your oldest gag... ha ha.

After my little helper saying "mom you are the most fun" (I had to drag the property yesterday and after we were done I thought I would do some donuts in our front yard...the man wasn't so thrilled). After my evening with the boys I forget how much fun it can be when the man is not arround!

You made your bed now you have to lie in it?

You made your bed and now you have your have to lie in it. That is what we are told as kids and now that I am getting older I want to know WHY? Why do we have it lie in it? Can't we just get up and remake it? I know that sometimes that is harder said than done but are you supposed to just lie there and wish you were dead or wait for your death. What about forgiveness? What about having a redo? Why is the only answer to lie in it? I'm not talking about doing bad things...I talking about waking up and looking around yourself and saying what in the H*** am I doing here. I mean I thought that my life was going to be different and now look at it. I look at my life and I see nothing but mess like scramble eggs. I have 4 kids that I know are gifts from God am I am supposed to raise them up but I feel like a complete failure. I say the same hurtful things my parents said and I do the same hurtful things they did and all I see is trouble ahead if I do not remake this bed! But how? I know in my heart that things can change but I also know that you can not change people. The man is miserable and hates the gifts around him. I am trying to see the positive but when all is hear is negative I just want to scream!!!!! SHUT UP and surrender to GOD! But, because I am not walking the walk I will just stay silent. I also know that the man is to be the held of house hold and lift up his family. But, what do you do when you are the only one. Sitting in silent has pulled me down this path and I wish to no longer follow. I feel like this is the path to my death. Today this journey a very heartbreaking.

On a good note the oldest decided to help clean up so he could get a new towel. I also decided that I do not like Singapore Mai fun. The man, the oldest and mess maker loved it. The rest of us loved the salad I made!!! Laundry did not get done and shopping was great... I love seeing the mans hard earned money fly out the window...NOT!... 6 gallons of milk a week!

"Dry off with a paper towel."

Today has been crazy. After a long evening of fighting with the kids and not doing anything around the house (because I was with my mom all day). I feel like I am playing make up and now paying the price by cleaning and doing laundry and I don't even think I will be able to watch American Idol or Glee. Thank God for my DVR. I mean what did I do before it? Oh, that's right I didn't have kids and could watch what ever I wanted. I made the kids pick up there rooms. I do not understand where all the laundry comes from. The laundry room floor was all clean and now there are clothes for days and days. With being on propane I get to hang all the clothes when they are done washing and because of the rain that has settle in I guess I will have to do laundry after the rain is gone sometimes tomorrow. With all that said it was time for the kids to take showers and since they can never hang up their towels I took away all other towles except their own personal towels. They all have two towels I feel that is plenty. Since they didn't hang up any of their towels and our oldest stuck all of the ones that were on his floor in the laundry room instead of hanging the one he used yesterday up. He said mom can I use your towel and thanks to my wise brother I said with a smile "NO, Where is your towel?" He said "they are in the laundry room". So I then said "Well I guess you are going to have to dry off with paper towels!" I love it! Who says I don't have a since of humor I think I am pretty funny... Just sit and think about how funny that is... HA HA. Moms revenge! I hope that tomorrow he will remember how wet he was after drying off with only three paper towels and hang up his towel. He's a boy he probably will not but I can hope right. So tomorrow I will get to do laundry all day after the rain clears up and I return from shopping with my mom. I hope that the man comes home at normal time and in a good mood!

"I'm pretty sure my cats reading my diary..."

"I'm pretty sure my cats reading my diary..." I think that is the funniest thing I have ever heard! Love it! I can't wait until tomorrow to see the new episode of Glee. As I was watching the preview for tomorrows show It got me thinking about my day and a discussion that I had with the man. I hate it when he comes home early. I know that a lot of people love it when there husbands come home early but I do not anymore. I was on the computer when he got home and I was making sure that I asked before I posted yesterday (I didn't write about my family with out there okay) and he saw my BLOG. A look of disgust came over his face and then I felt like a little kid that had her hand in the cookie jar and was busted...." You're not writing anything about me are you?" he asked. Why does it matter what I write about anyway. I mean if I am doing this for me and not for anyone else why does it matter. I started this blog because of me. To blog or not to blog I guess that is the real question? Am I hurting anyone...am I going to regret it? I don't know if I am going to regret it but all I know is that I started this as a journey back to me... the me I knew a long time ago... the me before the man and before kids....the me that knew what she was called to do with her life and the me that waited upon the Lord. So I am sitting here wondering if it's only the cats that are reading my blog do I care?

"SHUT UP LITTLE GIRL"

Family, Family, Family....
Funny thing about family you either love them or hate them but no matter where you stand with family when ever you get together you can always find something to laugh about. This morning we had breakfast with my mom and watched the kids on the motorcycles and enjoyed the beautiful day we had. Of coarse I left for a minute and missed the big wipe out of day. Thank God my brother is okay! I guess he caught some fencing with his front tire and then flipped over and over making a great wipe out. Then he jumped up and gave the two thumbs up sign to let my sister know he was OK! Funny Right!! maybe not funny at the moment but looking back to write this tonight very funny (I may have lost my fun but man have I been laughing alot lately). I missed the whole thing and I am so bummed we didn't get it on video. The great news is that even with his wipe out I realized that God was with my brother seeing how my brother was not wearing a helmet. Why no helmet? Boys will be boys that is my answer. But I bet tomorrow when he wakes up all sore he will reconsider the no helmet idea. To top off the morning we caught the first snake on our property well not me but the man and kids did. It was a big guarder snake and the kids all thought it was a great find. After the snake, my oldest decided to get a little brave on the motorcycle and stand up and lift his feet while being on XGAMES he misjudged the turn and wiped out! He did not get hurt just shook up. I think with the two wipe outs that was all my mom could handle. So mom went home and we enjoyed some hot dogs and movies, the kids went out lizard hunting and the little ones wondered around getting in trouble where ever they could. On a good note we did not loose the helper he did not put himself to sleep today. After a couple of hours I heard the funniest conversation I have heard for a ten year old and a two year old. All I can say is that the disagreement ended with the little mess maker yelling "STUPID IDIOT BABY! SHUT UP BABY!" Then the ten year old (my niece) Speaking in a very old parent tone said " SHUT! UP! LITTLE GIRL!" I know that most parents would be angry but for some reason I found it so funny. The man disciplined the little mess maker and my brother had a discussion with the ten year old and I am still laughing about it this evening as I write this.

Not sure why it makes me laugh... but it does. Only a couple of bruises and a couple of bruised egos all and all this was a great weekend.

Most important I saw God today in a lot of great ways.

A Rock Garden!

Woke up this morning in a pretty good mode. I had the busiest day! I needed to finish cleaning (we have family coming), then we had to get our veggies, and then go and pick up my little girl from her sleep over. All this and to be back by noon. So off we went, on our way back from picking up veggies I stopped by a moving sale and bought some pavers for our "Rock Garden". The past couple of nights I have been digging up rocks from our road and property for what my son calls our new rock garden. We have flower beds in the front of our house that so not drain and we moved in and the last owner filled them up with dirt and planted grass. So we dug up the grass and rototiller them up and now I am filling them up with rock and now new pavers that cost me a big $13. After putting them in the car we drove to pick up my girl from the sleep over. I forgot how much you do not sleep at sleepovers. She looked like death, She said that she did not sleep because the other girls snored and they left the TV on and it made a weird noise in the middle of the night. She slept the whole way home and now we were in a cleaning frenzy. My brother and sister showed up with the kids and motorcycles and now my kids want bikes more than ever. My sister drove with the mess maker and my little helper and my little ones want bikes now. YEAH! how do we come up with that kind of cash? Not to mention my older kids have been bugging me ever since my niece and nephew got bikes for Christmas! "Why didn't we get bikes" "Its not fair". I believe I am starting to sound like a broken mom record. "Life isn't fair... If life was fair I would be a singer and we would be rich". HA-HA I think that is what all moms say. Even grandparents only they put there own twist on it. After looking for the little helper who had put himself to sleep (not realizing how late it was and should have let him continue to sleep). Waking him up to enjoy a wonderful meal, thank you Chef. I am full and off to bed before another busy day with kids and motorcycles!