Sunburned and ohhh so worth it!

Got up early this morning because the stupid dog needed water I think she is having a hard time with the change in weather. I am talking about ABBEY our boxer who thinks she is a little lap dog and refuses to go out side unless you are out there with her. She woke me up my whining at 3am so here I am up and know mlh is up and now mlmm is up and they are asking me what is wrong with my dog is she hurt. I sent mlh to the restroom and then to sleep in sil's room and let the dog out and mlmm and I followed her around for what seamed like forever. then I walked in to our room and I am not sure what is going on with me but there was no way I was gonna sleep in that HOT room. So I turned the fan on the swamp and slept in the living room with mlmm. I think that this is the reason why I was up so early. So the man woke me up to help him get online so he could attend his meeting and after I spent 10 minutes getting him online he walked outside. I think he just gave up waiting for the pages to reload. So here I am up and so was mlmm. Then followed by SIL and then the rest of the gang followed. I jumped into the shower and told the kids I was leaving in 20 minutes.

After making sandwiches and getting the car all loaded up with beach stuff I went back into the house to realize that SIL ( who still has a broken foot had tripped on one of mlh's toys and she was hurt) Thank God! She is fine because I wasn't sure how taking all the kids to the ER would work. So we got in the car and went and got gas, Starbucks, and donuts and away we went to Ventura. I love it this time of year you know the JUNE GLOOM. I love it. I love the way the beach looks and smells and the whole experence. We got to Ventura and I got money out and we made it to the beach before 10:00am. I spayed down everyone with sunscrean and ran out after applying only one arm and face to sil and I decided that I would take one for the team! It was totally worth it I took about 400 pictures and mlh didn't "drown". He did fall face first and eat sand but totally worth it!

To sum it up the beach was wonderful and the water was warmer than the air. Mlmm got consumed by a wave and was done. she played in the sand and put sand in places I didn't know it could get. She also played with a ladybug and some spiders. Mlh would run and get his feet wet then run away. R, Mo, and Mod played the entire time and I think I have never laughed so hard. Mod was done when she drank some water and wanted to go home Now! I stepped in tar the same tar I told the kids to look out for. I was taking pictures and didn't see it. We washed off as much sand as possible and let the cold kids eat in the car.

On the way home I decided that we should stop by the fish farm and feed the fish. I forgot how much fun the kids have watching the fish attack the fish food. Also there is a awesome pond there with wild life and a fence that I caught mlmm trying to crawl under so she could pet the duck! Took more pictures and away we were going home. It was at the fish farm that I realized that I was feeling the stupid sun bumps on my arms and then by the time we got home it was official sun poisoning it took 2 weeks for it to go away last time and know it is back right before the holiday weekend. BUMMER!

So we got home in time for violin practice and Sil drove mo and I stayed home to make dinner. I made cauliflower mac and cheese bake from Jamie Oliver's cook book. I also made a salad. During tonight's prayer mlh decided he would go first. "Thank you God for the beach, the fish, and our day...and this and that...it was reversed mlh was praying this long prayer and then a Amen! I looked up and missed something because... the look on mod's face was like hey I got an Amen in the middle of my prayer what gives. All I can say is one day mlh will be paying people to just listen to him and I fully take the blame on this one he is just like me.

While getting into bed tonight he was telling Sil about my moms dog Leila. Here is what he told here. " Nana is not home she is with Leila at the vets getting shots in her butt so she wont bark anymore! Papa is at work." I cant wait to find out about this one and where he got it. Too funny!!!! Gonna freeze out the man tonight so I can sleep in bed with him. Putting the fan in the window and already put an extra blanket on the bed for him. I think living with my mom and her freezing house has ruined me. I can not sleep with out covers and a fan. While typing out my blog mo my sleep talker and walker sat up and looked right at me and said " I need some quarters I need some quarters I need some coffee I mean caffeine I mean coffee then laid back down and rolled over. This woke up Sil and now I am keeping her up because I can not stop laughing. I mean I am crying and my stomach is aching and I almost peed my pants. Laughing!!! Usually I can not understand the language he speaks but not tonight. I guess he needs quarters and coffee. Crawled into bed and the man my other sleep talker said "Shhh ladies." So now here I am laughing in bed and decided to finish this blog. Having the giggles and I also have a song stuck in my head that we heard on the radio I think 20 times today... You think your cooler than me.

"God thank you for our swimsuits and the beach tomorrow Amen"...." I'm gonna swim and then drown!"

Woke up early this morning and decided to recycle all the cans and bottles we had. Got the kids in the car and got to the recycling center 10 minutes before it opened. They opened at 7:30 I will definitely go early again. I was in and out before all the people got there and it didn't smell as bad. With the money we got I decided to spoil the kids and go to Jamba Juice. I forgot how much I love that place. Then we walked over to target I asked mo what we needed and wanted to spend the rest of the money on from the cans and he reminded me that we needed bread, chips for lunches this week and he would like sodas. If he really only wanted sodas. I think this is a great lesson that I must have taught him. I also didn't know that we were out of bread. Picked up some scrapbook paper also. He has become our little photographer since he got his camera for his birthday. Last year I made scrap books for my daughter and my daughter best friend. This year he wants one so I guess I will be making scrapbooks again. I am not the scrapping kind of person. I finished all this and we were out the door on our way home before 9:30. I love morning like this in and out. I only had to yell once in the store and give the mean mom face twice.

We got home and cleaned house in a hurry Sil was bring mod home and her best friend R, she will be staying with us for a week. I love it when she comes she is so funny! I know this sounds crazy but I love it when my whole family is home i just feel complete. Don't get me wrong I am glad they are not all home this summer so far it has been a great and quiet time. Less punching and screaming. So Sil got here and I brought my girls home and man you would think she didn't miss me. I guess that is just an eight year old thing. Since everyone was hungry I made dinner, I made "New Mexican Goulash" Ha!! that is what the man calls it and I made a salad. I am not sure what it is about salads in the summer but I love them.


While praying over dinner mlh I guess didn't want to hear mod continue her long prayer in the middle of her praying over dinner and our day tomorrow he shouted AMEN! I couldn't help but look up as I started laughing when I looked up and saw both kids stuffing there faces. I looked over at the man and even He was laughing. I guess they couldn't wait. Hungry little babies. After mod was finished and mlh mlmm had ate some. Mlh said I'm ready to pray. Ha so mlmm prayed and then mlh prayed and just when I thought I heard it all!! I love it when kids pray. "God thank you for our swimsuits and the beach tomorrow Amen". Then I asked him "what are you doing tomorrow? " He then said " I'm gonna swim and then drown!" Too funny.

After dinner we watched crabs and the girls played Wii and then played in there room. Since I want to leave early tomorrow now that we are going for sure to the beach. I told the kids we were going to bed early! Ha ya right! Rocked mlmm to sleep and mlh fell asleep on the couch. Mo continued to push the mans last button and although excited for tomorrow I am praying my sweet mo shows up tomorrow. Stayed up with Sil and watched TV.( which I have come to the conclusion is mostly talking that we do, since she can never hear me on the phone) I love summer TV just waiting for the closer to start. Then right when I thought it was safe to go to bed mlmm came back into the living room followed by mlh. this always happens when I stick them together. He had leg cramps and she likes to snuggle. Got mlh back to sleep and then followed mlmm. I typed this out on my phone and right when I was saying it so it could post my phone died and know I am typing this out again. So who knows when this will post but, I will defiantly give thanks tonight for the beach and swimsuits. Can you imagine what I would see tomorrow if we didn't have them. YUCK!!! Swimsuits I mean!

With all my searching I still can not find the peace I am longing for

TWell its Monday! What can I say about Monday. I slept so good last night this morning I jumped out of bed which was awesome. Didn't even need coffee. I did dishes, laundry, and even cleaned up around the house. All before 10:00 can you believe it. I helped mo get his computer game working and besides the little back talking and his stupid jokes all and all a good day with him. I wish I could understand his humour. Maybe someday.

Hung around the house today and the man came home at eleven and was done for the day... or so he thought. He decided he was going to drag the property and this made mlmm happy she loves hanging out with her daddy. So she ran and got her shoes one only for the man to come back in the house and say never mind I have to go back to work. With tears rushing down her face he said okay will to around a couple of times. I am not sure why she love it because since he didn't get to do it guess who did. Here I am with mo making sure we don't loose the cement block, he's riding in the back and mlmm riding in her saying " turn up the music mom" and mo saying "go faster". It wasn't as boring as last time. I did some donuts in the front yard and decided that I am totally a hick I mean who does donuts in there front yard? Oh yeah...I do. So I got done with that just in time for the man to come home and decide that he should continue the job. Did I tell you that his tying of he rope sucked and every couple of turns I had to jump out and put that cement chunck back into the tire. So he came home and decided to use chain. Why didn't he use chain for me?

So here I am outside in the heat with a shovel cutting down all the wild mustard so the man can drag them. After about the second one I decided I got ripped. He is in the air conditioned car and I am in the hot hot sun working up a sweat. What kind of crap is this. Well I was pulling weeds when I brushed up against this weird plant that had hairs on it like a cactus. So I decided that I was done with the working and took mlmm inside and rushed into the shower. After a long shower and scrubbing scrubbing scrubbing. I think I got all the hairs off.

The man and mo came inside and we ate dinner...fined for yourself night. Mlmm and I had noodles, the man had left overs and mo had both. The man and kids watched some discovery channel show and it gave me time to play on the computer which was taken by my 10 year old. Played some Facebook games and talked to h for a little. So excited they are coming this weekend. The man said good I'm glad your happiness will be returning. Ha

Decided to go to bed early and get another awesome night, but the kids had other plans. I got mlmm to sleep and after about the tenth time of saying go to your room I believe he is done trying to push my buttons. Well on TV was that show intervention and I never watch it but today's show has me really involved. It made me cry and now I am left with a sadness and a whole in my heart. The Guy who was performing the intervention said something to the mother that made me think. Wow a counselor who gets it. Unfortunately the daughter did not stay sober. With all that said I must think that this could have been me... I could have been lead down the wrong path and for some reason I started searching for God. I can not tell you how many religions I have been to. Not just churches. With all my searching I still can not find the peace I am longing for. Is this because of my childhood? Is it because I didn't have someone who got me and stick up for me? What ever the case this show has me longing for parents.

Theres a snake...Prank callers are stupid and mean

I woke up so early because the kids went to bed so early. I didn't sleep at all. I am not sure I its because boy little ones crawled in bed with me or its because I'm sore. Whatever the case its early and I started getting the house all ready for the mans friend to come and stay the night.

While cleaning and cooking I heard the mom come quick scream and ran outside to see mlh all upset telling me about the snake that almost ran across his foot. He showed me where it went and told me to catch it. Not being daddy I said I'd look to see what it was but although my husband love them I only tolerate them. Mlh insisting that it was one of ours caused me to stop and look in the garage to make sure. If I could have kept looking I probably would have caught it since later I found fresh poop. So I looked in the garage and called the man to have him give me the run down off all of our snakes. While on a stool I couldn't see one of them so I unlocked the cage and that king snake thought he was getting fed and jumped out scared the crap out of me I almost feel off the stool and locked the cage. So all snakes accounted for I was sent out again to look for it. Mlh wasn't going outside with out the mans snake tongs and his shoes on. I know this didn't make the man happy but I am glad he didn't just pick it up. Seeing how I know there are rattle snakes around. So I never found it and when the man got home he didn't either.

After looking for the snake and not seeing all that I did for what reason I do not know we just couldn't click. I hate when this happenes in marriages it make it harder to be a united front and I think the kids can feel the tension. I made grilled cheeses and missed a called due to the swamp cooler and the kids. When I listen to the message an anger can upon me and I have decided that kids now a days are mean...I mean totally mean and so are the parents that allow there kids to prank people. Don't get me wrong my sister and I prank called when I was younger and when I thought it was called crank calling. Ha ha. Crank. Let me tell you E can make a great fat Albert impersonation and did you run after your frigde? We would laugh so hard I think I peed my pants more than once. ( I miss you E its been too long) With all that said I never hurt anyone's feelings.

So my message was so wrong in so many ways and the man thinks I crazy because like I said he thought it was funny. So my message hurt my feelings and then the man said something that always pisses me off and now we are both angry. I think that pranking is one thing but pranking about cps is another and that is what is wrong with kids... they are Mean! I think there should be a no pranking on Sunday law! Just my opinion.

I being the doormat that I am made up with the man made meatloaf and forgot the crackers, mashed potatoes, and greenbeens. I love fresh beans. Meatloaf without crackers is okay but mushy. Made lemon bars also and the recipe I have is amazing.I usually do not like them but I love this recipe. Tried to watch TV with the man but I wasn't feeling it so I took mlmm into the room and watched that hoarding show. It makes me feel good in some sick twisted way. But I do like it. Came out of the room asked the man to let out the dogs. Looks like Uk is gonna be late so I Took 2 tylenol pm's and now I am going to bed. Yeah before 8:30.

A fall that should have ended up on YouTube

Woke up this morning all ready to go to hot Bakersfield. With the stupid dog in heat and all. I went and picked up our veggies and drove home to put them up when I saw a yard sale sign and drove a couple doors down which in our area is like a half mile. It was at the house that I wanted and waited for it to go to auction. It took so long so we bought this house. Anyway I am so glad I did because they are awesome people with four kids and they have a pool. After buying some clothes for next summer for mlmm I got in the car just in time to rush into the house... I was having an ibs moment. Which stayed all day. Which I guess I should try to find the plus...so here it is I missed the heat. But I didn't get to see super chef or h or my sil or eat awesome food or all the good that comes with seeing family.

On a great note I got to go over to my neighbors house and got some clothes for my neice. Now I need find someone with older boys for clothes for mo. So I hung out without mod and no man and all in all besides the non stop restroom breaks a great quiet day. I even got the kids toys all sorted out and put into boxes. So maybe they will keep there toys all cleaned up.

While watering the garden with the neighbors watching I decided to have a moment and trip in a hole. I know that if my neighbors daughter would have have had her camera on I would be on YouTube. Thankfully she didn't. So I hurt my hand, my rear, my foot and all in-between. I think if i could have seen it i would have laughed my rear end off. So i dont blame everyone from laughing but i am really sore. So I got up with my brused ego and went inside to realize that I am old fat and hurt. I have decided when fat people fall it hurts. After about twenty minutes my neck shoulder and whole body hurt. So here I am laying in bed and I am going to sleep no matter what. Advil take my sore body to bed.

To Chris Champion and Christian Arburua

After seeing a post the other night and by a chance Facebook prompt (reconnect with...) I am going to dedicate this blog to two very special people who made me realize that I am totally messing this up. To Chris, a wonderful man who lost his battle with cancer but who won his battle because of the legacy he left behind...It is because of your death last year and reading your blog that made me realize that I need to get this God thing under control. I know that you are not on this earth anymore but I fell like I need to tell you something. You are amazing your blog that you left behind is truly amazing and where I want to be someday. You know God in a way that I never knew I wanted and needed. You are wise beyond your years and I can not believe you would have turned 21 this year!

I must think that you are with God because you have awesome parents who Got it! I mean they really GOT IT!!! I have decided that your mom and dad are the type of believers that I need to become. Although your dad is with you...your mom and dad did it right. They showed you what following God looked like and through there service they opened the door for you to become a man after Gods own heart. Your mom is not the typical christian she is not a backstabber, gossiper, Hippocratic, hurtful christian that turns people away. She is a caring, listing, praying, worshiper after Gods heart. This is rare and a wonderful gift.(I never knew how rare until it was gone and I started looking for it again). Your dad was a rock in the lord and had his heart so connected to God that sometimes it was hard to see just your dad. I know that I moved away and didn't know about the loss of your dad and I heard about your loss too late to come to your life ceremony. Its because of you that I am searching for a new purpose. I want to say Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Although thank you is not enough and may be too late. Thank you Dawn, Dan, Mihaela for allowing your son and brother to continue to encourage people like me.

To amazing Christian even though you may not know it you are an inspiration to me and your walk with God has inspired me to really get my life in order. I am not sure why us musicians struggle so much with where our place with god is supposed to be. But I want you to know that even in your struggles I see God all around you. You are an amazing man of God and your music inspires me to write and write and write. You have a gift of great proportions and I want you to know that! I want you to know that God has a plan for you and that your gift is part of that plan. You are an amazing musician and I don't ever want you to forget that. EVER! Keep playing and writing new music, never give that gift up not even for a second. I am thankful for your posts and for your wisdom. I feel like you see God in a way that although not conformed to traditional Christianity is a way that someday will be use for the masses. I want to say thank you for being my muse(musically)! Thank you for listing to me! Thank you for being just you!


To all my readers, I started out doing this thinking it doesn't matter who reads this I am doing this for me. Well that is not the case anymore. I do care and I am thankful that you are going though this with me... One blog at a time, the funny, gross, sad, and lost parts of me are in this blog this is the whole me. Thank you for the emails, comments, and prayers. Even the ones who are anonymous THANK YOU!

I made pizza and the kids are asleep and I am going to bed before 9PM YEAH!!!

"People are always trying to mess up other people's lives by telling lies about them."

This morning I woke up to mod saying there is something wrong with Maya(her dog). So up I got only to explain the best I could to a eight year old that she was in heat and that this was probably gonna happen for about 2 weeks. YUCK! (I hate it myself so what makes me think changing pads for a dog will be fun!!!) I didn't have her fixed yet because we were told that with her breed we should wait until she goes into heat. So here I am getting clothes on so I can go the pet co and get diapers. I took mod with me and left the other kids with SIL so I could spend time with her. We went and got money out, went to pet co, and drove an extra 4 miles out of the way to go to Starbucks. I am still not going to that stupid boy one. On the way home mod said "I bet Maya is scared!" This made me realize just how sweet and young my daughter is and I love it.

I finished all the laundry today and started cleaning house. I made something I don't even have a name for... I am trying to get rid of all the veggies we have before they rot. I made a rice concoction with ground pork, cabbage, carrots, celery, onions, garlic and it was really good. Because of the kids I have been learning how to use my Cuisinart. That thing chops everything up so little that the kids cant pick it out. I love it!

So my older kids decided to leave me and here I am up late with just my babies and I am a little sad. I know that by the end of summer I will be screaming and begging for them to go to other peoples houses but, today I am sad. So the man went to bed and I am sitting up with the one that will not sleep. MLMM is so sleepy but will not sleep. I hope that I get the house clean and ready for the weekend without being lazy! I hope to get sand soon so we can put up that pool!!! Come on sand money.

"People are always trying to mess up other people's lives by telling lies about them. You want to really mess up someones life up tell the truth about them. They wont ever be the same!"

I heard this on a show that I watched and it got me thinking how true this is. What would happened if just for tomorrow you decided to not tell lies and only tell the truth no matter how much it hurt the other person? I want the truth... I am sick of all the lies. No that doesn't make you look fat. No you are where God wants you. You look great. Lets be honest you look fat because you are. You are where you are because you turned left instead of staying straight. You look tired and need God! Just for one day! Don't gossip about anyone. Don't even ask for prayer and then gossip. Just tell the truth!

Prayed a lot today for different things and I am trying to see God in everything. We will see how that goes...

You created me and I turned away...

This morning has been one of those mornings that I would like to forget. After fighting with the oldest and attempting to get the house clean. I have decided that I will try again tomorrow. Sil is a blessing and let me take a nap... Well tried to take a nap! Phone call after phone call. I made fried Chicken, mashed potatoes, squash, and a salad. I love food like this it reminds me of my Nana and her wonderful southern food. Yummy! For the most part a very uneventful day! I love days like this. It did go quickly and I stayed up late again and played games with SIL while the kids slept. I will be sad tomorrow when she leaves.

While online I came upon a post that my friend posted and I wanted to share it:

You created me and I turned away, you brought me out of the darkness and I turned away, you saved me countless times only for me to turn away... I am not worthy to even bow at your feet and yet you call me to sit at your side and eat and drink with you... I am nothing without you and yet you give everything to me...you are my God!

This is exactly how I feel. I wonder if my search for God stems from not having parents who go to church, or being abused when I was younger, or if its a journey that I must go on? What ever it is...it is tiring and I just want peace.

" Can you make me a Cock! You know a cock! I mean a Peacock!"

This morning I tried to sleep in but my dog wasn't having it she barked and barked until I got up to let her out of the kennel. I decided that I was going to get up and clean. I closed all the doors to keep everyone asleep as long as possible but that didn't stop mod getting up and saying lets have a pajama day and watch TV and not do anything. I couldn't resist but man the house could really use some cleaning. So we started a movie and i made toast. After a couple of minutes I decided to clean up the kitchen and do some laundry. Every time i would start he little blue eyes would look at me and she would say "Aren't you gonna sit down and hang put with me?" So I would sit down and hang out but I think since i haven't been able to just relax during the day. Watching a movie is like pulling teeth to me it is soooooo hard for me to just sit knowing that there is so much to do. I also know how the man gets so i was just trying to please everyone.

I cleaned up the kitchen washed some laundry and by the third " MMMOOOOMMMM!" I decided that i would make lunch and sit. I knew that SIL would be here with mo in a little bit and this was the least i could do. Just as i sat down the man came home. I think that any other day he would have freaked but because mod was home and said "What we are having Pajama day and Mom is watching TV with me" he just asked what was for lunch and sat down. I love how she can change his mind with those beautiful blue eyes of hers. He has no idea how she does it but i love it!!! Power to the Blondie!!! It also could have been that he went to work at 4 am and was tired too. So we watched a movie I fidgeted and mod laid in my lap and loved every minute of it.

SIL brought mo home and I made egg salad sandwiches for dinner the kids played and we watched crabs. Do to my sons lack of knowledge the man said I could put the kids in vacation bible school! Yeah this is an answer to prayer!!! The man went to bed i stayed up and hung out for awhile. While watching TV with SIL mlh asked her to make him a cock with his legos. I looked over at her and listened more intently She said "What?" He said it again " Can you make me a cock? you know a cock!" Now I asked him all different things to find out what he meant. I asked him " a bird?, a roster, a clock, a crow?" to all these things he said "NOOOOO!" then he said with attitude you know like the cock I mean peacock the one that goes aayarah aayarah! Sil and I sat up laughing about this for a least 20 minutes. The things my kids say... If this doesn't make you laugh at life what will.

Decided that I would keep mo up to watch TV with me and listen to him talk. Man he reminds me of me with all his nonstop talking. I know that I bugs most people but since i do the same thing I like it. We were watching TV when I heard a loud scream from the bed room i new it was mlh and his leg cramps. i got him up put the heating blanket on high and stayed up with him until now. It is almost midnight and i think this is going to be a long..... night.

By the way my jam looks like syrup! I have no idea what went wrong but this sucks! I guess everyone will be getting mixed fruit syrup instead of jam! It does tastes really awesome! It just looks really thin. Anyone can? Have any ideas what I did wrong? I followed the directions! SIL said that was my problem I should never follow directions! HA HA! Would love advice!

I made jam and painted my nails!

Got up early and went shopping. I thought this would be the best time to shop. Last day of school and Mo is still gone. I hate shopping with all four kids it seams like I end up buying more than I needed and I always end up fighting with someone. Spent more money then I needed too anyway which was a total bummer and I know that I will be paying for it at the end of the month. I can not believe that tomorrow is the start of summer here and i am totally looking for it in a way but the constant crying and fighting not looking to that. I hope that I end up with an amazing summer.

So at Walmart I decided to buy a caning kit so I could can some of the fruit that we have been getting so they don't go to waste. I just read online and decided that i could do it. So i got home from the store and put the groceries away spent some time with the man for lunch before he went back to work and started in. i decided that i should make jam! Well i blanched the fruit and peeled off the skins. Then I got all the jars out and washed them and then i sterilized them man by this point I was ready to quit but i had all ready blanched all that fruit. I decided that taking a break was not an option and since mod was keeping the little ones busy by playing school I was going to finish. I started in on the next phase of this jam making which was to make the jam. Man of man I wall tell you that all my friends that do this on a regular basis there has to be some steps that can make it easier. I put the jam into the jars and then finished them up by cleaning the edges off and sealing them in hot water. Thanks to living in a higher attitude i had to add all these minutes here and add minutes there. I hope this jam firms up. So I texted pictures of my jam to the family and Super Chef has so little faith. He wanted to make sure that I knew I needed to boil them. Yeah I did but a book and read the entire thing

So we had left overs from last night and I decided that since this was the last night before mo came home and the first night of summer that mod and I would stay up late paint finger nails and watch TV. We watched several 2 movies and laughed and I forget how amazing she is. Having all the other kids, I also forget to let her know how much I need her. So this summer i am going to try harder to let her know and spend some girl time. I also I don't think i have painted my nails in a long time. Years I think. All in all a wonderful night and we will see about the jam.

I am sorry if i offended any of you with yesterdays blog! I just thought it was funny!

The Dog ate WHAT???

Well no sleeping in today bummer! But I have great news... I watched church on my phone and although no worship just message I am still alive and I didn't get struck down by lighting. So, after getting a lot of emails about watching church on the internet and on my phone via the droid market. I thought well lets get it done. So here I was watching church and it was exactly what I needed. I think that this is a beginning to a great week.

The man didn't want me to make a fuss about fathers day so because of finances I didn't. I watched TV and kept the little ones out of his way so he could work on the truck and fix my breaks. I think that he really enjoyed fixing my breaks that were metal on metal and I am not sure why. That is defiantly not the way I want to send my day off, but thank God for all the men out there who like fixing stuff. I defiantly do not know what I would have done if my breaks wouldn't have gotten fixed!

The man came in and told me to keep the kids inside because they gave him the wrong break pads and the car was on jacks. So that's what I did I put TV on and they sat down with me. Well sometime later the man came home fixed my breaks and walked into our bathroom and the yell that came from our room was nothing I have EVER heard before and I mean EVER! I am not even sure of the words to describe it. So he came in the living room and said "Mlmm mlh did you get into the bathroom trash?" "NO!" I said "they have both been sitting here with me!" "Are you sure" he said. "Yes! Why" I asked. "Well I hope it was the dog" he said and now I was really getting concerned. Then he said "yep it was that stupid dog I HATE THAT DOG!" I stared at him with this blank look on my face i guess because he said "WHAT! Do you want to know what that stupid dog did... That dog ate the raincoat from last night!" I started laughing so load it pissed him off because then he said "okay you get to pray it doesn't get stuck inside her" and walked out the door. So lesson learned I will make sure the trash can is off the floor! and Dogs are so gross.

To make up for the bathroom disaster I decided to make schnitzel, mashed potatoes, and green beans. It worked for now we will see how long it takes to poop that out!

All in all a pretty funny day! I am still laughing and I have that dog in the kennel just in case. I am up late like always and I am in such a great mood that it was all worth it. Church no matter how you get it can be a great start to any day!

The turtle wanted to hear the ipod...Don't pee on that! and Mod got stung by a bee!

This morning I got to sleep in thanks to the man!!! I got up at nine and thought rushed out the door after asking the man if he went and got the veggies. He didn't so here i am in my pj's totally trying to not get pissed off. Trying to stay calm... I get to the place where we meet and i have a missed call on my phone from the veggie lady and she said she would meet me at McDonald's! So I drove all the way back and drove to McDonald's to meet her and man I think the extra sleep just put a kick in my morning. Normally I would have flipped out!


While on the computer this morning I put in a movie for the kids and checked emails, IM some of my friends,and answered questions on FB. As i was doing this I realized that mlmm was missing. A minute latter here she comes and hand me her i pod out of the "magic Box" (a plastic box that keeps it safe from a two year old)hands it to me and says its "allllll wet!" I looked down and I knew this was going to be bad! So I said " How did it get wet?" She shrugged her shoulders and tried to walk away! I asked her again "How did it get wet?" "By the water DUH!" she said in that i am smarter than you tone! I asked her one more time and before the tears started to fall she said very nicely and so sweet " I'm sorry mommy!" "the turtle said he didn't like it!" So I said "didn't like what?" "HE didn't like the ipod! I so sorry mommy!" So this is what I get out of the almost three year old... She took the ipod out of the case that keeps it safe and put it in the turtle tank so the turtle could hear the ipod. I guess she thought he needed to hear the music? If she would have left the ipod in the magic box then it wouldn't have gotten wet and be completely broken. UGGGGHHH!!! And without the magic box there is no sound so how does she know he didn't like it maybe he couldn't hear it! I am not mad at what happened I am just sad since that Ipod was my sanity when it comes to her and her music.

After being home for a while and watching the man waste water by washing down our drive way. (Did I tell you I live in the high DESERT and have no grass and 2.5 acres of dirt?) I asked the man to decide what he wanted to do with this weekend being fathers day and all. I guess he decided he wanted to see the new BBQ that papa got so he called the mother and said we would come over today instead of tomorrow. So smart thinking on his part! So we all got in the car a little after noon and drove the 25 minute drive with mlmm saying I don't like this song to every song that came on the radio. My response was...to bad we don't have your Ipod!

When we arrived the mother and uncle weren't home they were shopping still. We got to see the new BBQ and I put the baklava in the oven. Since mine is totally not working and after an inspection by the man he decided that it will cost him the same amount of money if not more to fix it as it would with our insurance. So I will be calling the insurance people tomorrow. So here we are hanging out and the kids got there swimsuits on. Before I new it they were swimming and man do I miss our pool. While swimming I heard the funniest thing the man saying don't pee on that. I guess mlh got out of the pool and wasn't going to make it into the house so he dropped his clothes and started to pee... then he ran over to the grass and finished peeing on the grass... well monkey see... here is mlmm out of the pool peeing on the grass also. I now remember why having a bathroom close to the pool is important.

We ate some food and the kids swim until 6:30. Got the kids out of the pool, the mother got the little ones bathed and ready for bed since she new they would fall asleep. While getting them into the car mod stepped on a bee and man the scream that followed was ear piercing. Ran back inside and got the stinger out, put some baking soda on it and then ice (And later a penny we are going to see if that works). Since Mo and I are allergic I just wanted to wait for a minute to see before driving. While in the house mod's little dog Maya got in the front seat and ate some of the baklava that I made. Stupid dog will probably have the runs all night and keep me up!!! So far only a little swollen gave her benadryl just in case. Got home and before we could get home the little ones were asleep in the car. Mlh woke up and went into the bathroom and then into his own bed... keeping my fingers crossed that he stays there all night. Mlmm woke up crying got her changed into pj's and she fell asleep on the couch. Spent some alone time with the man and now I am up late again blogging. The man said I could sleep in again tomorrow. Lets see how that goes!!!!

A booklet from the doctors office...mod seeing the pictures...and the look on her face...pricless!!!

Well today has been one of those days where I wish I was in a movie where i could sing a happy working song and the house would be cleaned before the end of the song!!! I woke up this morning and got a phone call that the mother was coning and man was my house a mess. So after getting up and cleaning and cleaning I totally decided that no matter how clean or not clean my house is i am totally screwed! So house half cleaned and here is the mother!

She came in and we put her new hard drive to my computer so she can retrieve things that she lost when her last hard drive crashed. Then i did her nails and before I did i caught her looking in the kids rooms... i closed the doors and she looked in. i am not sure why that makes me so upset i will never have a clean house until my kids are gone but it does. i fell like I am on a reality show and totally exposed. So did nails and believe it or not we had a okay time. i even got them done in a some what good time and she didn't complain and i didn't hurt here.

While I was in the computer room finishing up with the transfers the man came home and wanted to let me know how his appointment went and show me what they are going to do. (he's getting fixed) He even came home with a booklet with pictures. Showed the mother and set the picture book face up on the counter. Anyone have kids want to guess what happened next? Anyone? Well Mod came in and you should have seen the look on her face. If only I had a picture! Priceless. I quickly grabbed the picture of you know what and closed the book and stuck it up high. She didn't ask and I didn't even act like it was a big deal that she was seeing what she was seeing. But I will tell you too funny!

So made top roman... can you see how boring the food is when there isn't any awesome expensive food around. Anyway got the kids fed and got them bathed and ready for bed. We watched the new survivor show on discovery and The man went to bed and now here I am up late again. I caught up on some reading and watched some TV.

So I have some awesome news... Well sort of. This week I have been praying for a way to pay all of our bills and not have any overdraft privileged charges... So I got the mans pay check and got so excited that I called H to tell her. While looking at the check I realized that the reason it was so big was because they paid him overtime instead of straight time. So all the bills were paid and We even have a little left over for me to buy gas but, they will take it out of next weeks check. I know that this maybe stupid but I believe with my whole heart that this happened because I prayed, my husband worked a lot of hours and someone made a mistake. I am thankful for the mistake and for Gods hand in there some where. Are bills for this month are paid.

What is wrong with us now of days... It is not okay!!!

What is wrong with us now of days... It is not okay!!! What you did is not okay... I will forgive you for what you did but forgiven means you aren't going to do it again right after I accept your apology!!! What the heck! How many times do I need to turn a check before its time to Run away from you...

This is something that has been bothering me from a while now. I am trying to not teach my kids the art of being a doormat. I know that my kindness and willing to serve and help others is a gift. But there is a difference between being a servant and doormat. So to all my doormat friends you are not alone! I too am a walking doormat. As of today I am going to no longer be a victim and you can no longer use me. Wipe your feet on another door.

Mlmm hit mlh on the head with a ball because she was mad at him and I heard the very phrase that makes me totally mad. "Its okay!" That is what he said to her as he was crying still and the look that came over her face made me think what the heck am I doing. It is not okay that she hit you an purpose. She was made and hit you out of her own frustration and you need to stop saying its okay. So after a long talk with a four year old which means nothing I am now no longer allowing those words in the house. Because it is not okay!!!

So today was for the most part great the man is out of town working and I am going to bed early. Well earlier than normal. I made baklava tonight and put in the oven to find out that the oven is not working so I called the man to ask him to help me because no only did i make baklava but i also made pizza and I had mlmm yelling at me telling me how hungry she was. The man asked me to open up the oven to see if i could see something red when I turned on the stove... No nothing red then he told me to smell for gas... no gas then he asked me to get a lighter and see if i could light the ignitor. Hello I am not burning off my eyebrows.. no way! So no oven tonight stuck the baklava in the fridge and cut the pizza into fours and stuck it into our toaster oven and man does that take for e v e r! Mod ate like a half of pizza which left mlmm and mlh only a peace each and I had a small piece.

We sat down and watched Americas Got Talent and then got the little ones into bed early so what am I up late no man and the kids are asleep? Probably because my body is STUPID!!! I am sitting here and I am reading this blog over and over and I keep adding things because I can not sleep. Wrote some letters and talked to some friends on my phone. So here I am at 11:00 and I am going to go to bed! Even If I have to count sheep!

mlmm pretending to be a tiger and playing fetch with mlh, at the airport! go tigie go!

Today has been so crazy. Got up this morning and got out the door drove mod to school and then started our way to Burbank to drop mo off at the airport. Got all the way to the 5 and decided to stop and get coffee when I luckily found no money and no wallet. So turned the car around and drove back to the house. Found my wallet thank you God! Then back in the car. I guess it was the way it was supposed to be since we missed the traffic and got there in time to still have a quick breakfast. While at breakfast mo started in with his attitude problem and made mlh cry. So here I am sitting in Denny's with a crying 4 year old and mo ripping the kids menu. I love it when people stare at you in that judging way. I just love it! So after eating really quick we rushed over to the airport to find out that the flight is going to be delayed 30 minutes. Yeah!

So now here we are mo,mlmm,mlh and myself sitting and waiting for the plane that is 30 minutes late. Mlmm is acting like a tiger which mlh calls tigie. Mlh is throwing my keys inthe air and mlmm is crawling and grrrring on the floor fetching the keys. Then again mlh throws the keys and mlmm fetches them. I didn't even care at this point because I was once told by a smart woman you need to pick your battles. So let all those airplane people stare and snicker. They plane finally arrived and off mo went and although I should be happy to not have him home or happy for the experience I am sad that this is how our relationship is. I think he has so much anger towards me.

So I took mod to guitar practice and left the man with the little ones. After only being there 5 minutes I feel asleep and slept the whole hour. I guess I am totally sleep deprived. Driving home from practice I tried to have a conversation with mod but her emotional state just wont let her talk with out crying. So she warned TV and I drove home listing to nemo. So tired I barely got home made fried egg sandwitches and got the kids ready for bed.

Watched crabs with the man and then tried to watch more TV but the little ones I guess also piss him off. He went to bed after telling me that the little ones run this house and he wanted no part of it. Also told me that he was done. I tried to get the kids in bed so he would be Happy but the sleeping in the car I think made it impossible for them to sleep at 7:30. Finally got them to sleep around 9 and put them in bed just for mlmm to come crying out followed by mlh holding his head and crying. Not sure what happened but I pretty sure it had to do wih mlmm. So now it is almost midnight and I am tired and mad.

I have decided that I am no longer gonna be your emotional babysitter. I am barely keeping my own head above water let alone my four kids and now the mans. Please!

Here is how my prayer went a minute ago:
Okay God here I am I know I'm not kneeling but if I get out of bed I'm gonna wake up the man and he is already mad. So where are you... I need you...I need direction...I don't know what I'm doing but I know its all wrong. Since my family isn't changing... then change me... Amen

" I Don't want to!"...If you had only one day to live what would you do?

Why is it that we act like two year old sometimes when it comes to Life. To day mlmm said to me in a firm tone " I Don't want to!" Have you ever had one of those days where that is how you feel. I don't want to is exactly how I feel. When I woke up this morning I thought I am gonna stay in my pajamas all day and not do anything. HA I am a mother of four. So I woke up and cleaned and mopped the game room, kitchen, living room and dining room. Did dishes and two loads of laundry all before 8:00AM. No wonder why I am so tired all the time I go to bed late and wake up and go go go. By the time noon was here I had fed the kids and cleaned cleaned cleaned. All I wanted to do is sleep but NO! not today no naps. So since no naps I decided to catch up on emails, call about my check that is still lost, pay bills and wait til the older ones got home.

When the kids got home I helped mod with her homework and tried to not yell at mo. (just wondering... anyone want a ten year old that back talks, is lazy, rude and has no respect for his mother??) I know that this battle that I have with him is only gonna get worse if we don't do something but I have no more ideas and I am tired. Watched TV when the man got home we had noodles for dinner. I am totally uninspired to cook since we have no money for all that yummy expensive stuff that you have to have if you want to cook healthy. I wish this weather would cooperate so my veggies can grow.

Mo is going to a blue grass festival this weekend and is leaving tomorrow on a plane. Although I am looking toward no fighting for a couple of days I get sad when he is gone. So tomorrow will be fun driving to Burbank and going though check points with mlmm and mlh. Please Help me now. I hope it is easier than last year.

Mo asked me a question tonight and it got me thinking... If you had only one day to live what would you do? Would you spend all day on your knees...or would you make amends with people you have wronged, left behind, or ran away from? This is a question that I am not sure how to answer. So here it goes I would probably have to spend time on my knees asking God to give me the wisdom and strength to fix all the wrongs. I know that this may not make since to some (since I didn't say spend time on my knees praying for my soul)but I think that right now where I am at it scares me to think that my kids may not be following God as close as they should. That I haven't talked to certain family members since the man and I got married, and since my grandpa died. That I make friends easy but have a hard time keeping them (which really hurts peoples feelings). Mo said he'd go to Knots Berry Farm he's never been there.

A very special friend FB me today and although I doubt he is reading my blog he did something so amazing to me that it reminds me that there is a God. So thank you Mr. R! Thank you for making me feel loved and thought of today. That doesn't happen to often over here and for your kindness I am forever grateful.

To those of you I have hurt...I am trying!

Day 60!

Is this possible. Can this really be true. I have been blogging for 60 days. I can not believe it. Well maybe I should use this blog to evaluate my journey so far. Well here it is:

I learned that I am not ready to find a church, that I need more time on my knees, that even though I started singing and writing again I'm still not reading everyday. I am learning how much fun I can be and how much I loved my old self. My prayers are still out of frustration but the frustration seem to be less and less.

Here is a list of things I want to do before the next 60 days
1. Stop cussing even in my head( I was told it still counts)
2. Figure out what to do with mo (I need so much help with this one)
3. Find a church somewhere with great worship and teaching one like VBF.
4. Become friends with our neighbors the church goers
5. Continue to work on this relationship with the one they call God.

So today has been pretty much good...I got my hair done, mlmm got her hair cut and so did mhl but he didn't get it done with out putting up a fight. Mlmm just sat there and almost fell asleep. Leftovers for dinner and I am so...tired. So go day 60!

Am I on Punked?...whats with peeing outside?

Still have no desire to do the new church thing. I also haven't really gave our neighbors a chance I believe its because I know that I will have to start to find a church. I heard they are really involved in their church. Found mods missing iPod in the kids toy box. I am thinking about getting rid of my office and putting the two little ones together. I think that maybe 6 years apart is to many years and all mo does is fight with his brother also the little ones keep messing up there rooms dumping fish food, dumping laundry, permanent markers. I unfortunately do not have eyes in the back of my head to watch them but please don't tell the kids that. I think they still wonder.

So on the kid thing anyone have any ideas? I have no idea what I am doing as far as the mo thing and I am not sure if I am going to home school him next year. But all I can say is 20 minutes with him and the others and he has got everyone all wand up. It is so amazing and heartbreaking to have the feelings I have. I keep looking over my shoulder looking for the TV crew and for Mr.Aston to jump out and and tell me I'm on punked. I feel like I am all alone with the kids. I also know that the mans fuse is so short right now that I think he is trying but still looking for the way out.


So they came home from there camping trip and they caught 7 snakes, played with tadpoles, and fished. Mlh said it was so awesome that I should have come. What he doesn't know is that the man wants nothing to do with all the kids. I need sleep and I can't seem to get it. I can't sleep when my minds racing 50 miles a minute.

I know it is summer and although this is total normal but...I hate all this peeing outside and pee laundry crap. Mlmm doesn't understand that she can not pee like mlh. So I am washing laundry load after load. I am also washing down sidewalks and yelling where are your clothes. I am not sure if I am gonna make it all summer. The naked thing doesn't bother me but the man totally freaks out. The man loves the heat and I never see him all summer that is the one plus... but I never get a break or time off. Ever! I am so already ready for fall. So the countdown is on. One week left of school and I am already counting down to back to school.

Made fresh greenbeans and rice and the man barbequed some chicken. I am hoping this week goes by pretty smoothly.

stupid starbucks boy!

This morning I thought was going to be a good day but, holy moly it has been CRAPY. First I woke I got excited when I thought the man was going to let me sleep in...ha ya right he turned TV on and told the kids to be quiet for his own reasons(think what men want). So after getting ready I left out the door in a hurry with mlmm to go get veggies and the stupid girl was 30 minutes late. So we waited. Got our veggies and then went to Starbucks. I only get to have Starbucks every once in a while do to finances and I am always home and Starbucks is 20 minutes away.

I order the same thing I always do and when I got to the window I realized that they overcharged me by fifty cents. So I thought lets make the best of this and let them use the money a tip. Well I drove off and took a sip and realize that they messed it up so I parked he car and got mlmm out. Went inside and very nicely told them that the drink wasn't made right. The next part will floor you. Stupid starbucks boy asked how did I know since I didn't have a straw...not I'm sorry let me fix it then he went around he corner like I couldn't see him added whip cream and gave it back to me. I also think he stirred it up. Pissed off I said I wanted to speak to his manager. He said he fixed it and didn't see why I need the manager. I told him that I would not be coming back and got me and mlmm back in the car. So not only did they get extra money they gave me a crappy drink. They didn't even fix it when I went in there. So tried to call h to ask her what I would do and she didn't answer.

So I went and got gas. I guess the gas man at Sam's club realized how upset I was and came over. After telling a stranger how my morning (thanks to stupid Starbucks) was crappy he made me laugh by saying go back in there and accidentally spill you crappy coffee on the floor and then ask for your money back. Well being a believer I decided to turn the other cheek and just go into Sam's and get milk and bread. While in Sam's mlmm grabbed the coffee and spilled it all over me and the floor. This is when I lost it and started laughing.

Got home in time for he man to rush out the door with mlh and mod. Which left me with mo and mlmm. Mo watched 4 movies and we made pizza and had a pretty good afternoon and evening. I just wish I knew what to do with mo sometimes.

I have the giggles and a question!

I have a question... what is the difference between gossip and asking for prayer. I want to know before I ask for prayer on this blog. I also would like to heard your advice. So is the line so close that is becames blurred. Or is it the heart of the person that makes the difference.

Didn't get the hair done...wondering how to not mess it up with the kids to bad and up late...

I want going to continue to write this blog to night because I really wanted to bet answers. But while I was laying in bed I started to write some more. I guess I wasn't done. Well while tryping I got the giggles and started sending funny pictures to h. Then she sent me one and the giggles continued and then the man said "get out if your gonna keep laughing"! Heehee I am now sitting up after texting back and forth. I still have the giggles and tomorrow will be a great day. The man is going camping.

" it just disappeared, like magic...it just disappeared!"

I think I need to stop going to sleep so late... I also think I need to stop reading this book... so today has been pretty good the man is out of town so the fact that I didn't get the house work all done isn't so bad. I just have to get it done tomorrow before he comes home. I miss having a house cleaner. I think I need a magic wand.. yep I definitely need a magic wand. A friend of mine posted something on his fb page that speeks volumes... cleaning house with little ones is like shoving snow in a blizzard. I totally agree it is a waste of my time. I did take the rug outside and wash it. I also did most of the laundry.

So when the kids came home from school I decided not to fight with them no homework yeah so I made LA red beans and rice and rolls for dinner which mo had like four bowls where he puts all that food I will never know. I got the kids bathed and then they watched my nephew's favorite show Billy the exterminator. This show is so stupid its funny. Then believe it or not mo didn't fight me and went and read in his room. I cut six inches off mod hair it was to her but and now its in the middle of her back. Crazy how long her hair has gotten. So she wants to let it grow again. At least it looks good now I need to chop off this mop of mine.

Mlh said something so funny tonight he asked me to help him find his iPod. Then he said " it just disappeared, like magic...it just disappeared!" Every mom knows that it is where ever he had it last but he thinks its magic so maybe I'll find it and then say I found it like magic. Aren't moms supposed to be magical. That's what mlmm tells her babies.

Not sure what's up with the weather but I LOVE it. No AC and no swamp cooler yeah. Maybe after I stop reading this book and get my hair done I will feel great.

There is a voice option on my phone maybe tomorrow instead of typing i will try to speak my blog. That'd be funny expecially since most people cannot even understand me on the phone.

By the way why do female singers do such awful videos and what is the purpose its not like high-school kids hormones aren't already crazy. Who are they selling that sex to anyway. Not me. I find it weird.

in a funk!

So tired this morning that accomplishing anything was a challenge today. I woke up an thought it can not be morning already. This is not happening. Laied in bed for what seemed a second and then the fighting started in. Stupid lunches I know that this is going to get better I just know it. I can not stand anymore fitting it is making me sad and tired. After driving the kids to the bus stop because they almost missed it looking for money in there piggy banks I got he mail and returned home. I knew this was going to be rough today because I am tired and sad today. The man came home early to mess with his computer and to give me grief. One thing good the kids had a half day and played with the little ones. So the man and I got to watch a movie. That never happens. ..the movie thing. So watched a movie then the man took the kids to practice and I went outside to finish the garden drippers. I thought I would be good. No no no I was not , I guess this sun poison thing is still not gone and now it is all over my arms. Totally sucks! got the garden area done and the man came home... he then took the older kids to open house... this never happens. So I got he little ones fed and bathed. Since our school is so small they returned so fast. So we watched another episode of crabs. Then the man said something so funny but at the same time sad... he said I know why you don't feel good it must be because I came home. I make you ill and h makes you happy. I am not ill when he comes home and it is not him I am a mother of four and I am tired. But I guess I need to work on that. So this texting my blog thing sucks need to something different. Maybe I need to pray harder to get out of this funk.

" oh ya she's my mom first, she loves me longer. "

Today has been one of those days, a day where I typed this blog. Then I read it and then erased it not to hurt anyone feelings then retyped it erased it because the whole reason was to be honest so here I am typing it again and I hope it expresses where I am at in my life with out hurting anyone feelings.

This morning I woke up and while I was making toast for the little ones I had mlmm and mlh each holding on to one of my legs. First mlmm said" she's my mom" then mlh said "she's my mom"! This continued back and forth for a couple of minutes. It was so funny I remember doing that when I was little. Then mlh said" oh ya she's my mom first, she loves me longer. " All I could do was laugh! I mean he didn't say she loves me more he said she love me longer. The reason why I find this so funny it is what makes a kid think that one is loved more than the other. To this day, I still say in front of Super Chef ...my mom. I know that we both have the same mom but i still say my mom. I even do it in front of the man, not being mean i say my kids. Im not sur why I do it but I do. So to have my 2 little ones holding on to my feet and saying my mom is so funny me. Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I still say it is because of having two sets of parents. I remember growing my brothers and sisters saying my mom referring to their mom, and my brother and I would say my mom referring to our mom.

Reports, reports, reports, oh how I hate reports! I feel like I'm back in elementary school i hated it the first time so why am i doing it again. I don't know why I'm doing it but im so sick of reports. Even though I'm so tired of school right now I'm not looking forward to us fighting. Having 4 kids is hard, especially when they fight, yell, and screan this is why I hate summer. oh yea bring it on.

We ate leftovers for dinner, watched crabs on tv, and I went to be late. This no sleeping thing is starting to really suck. I am so tired that I can't sleep what kind of crap is that. I'm in a funk... not good or bad...just a funk!

"They are wrong to doubt you, it doesn't mean they wont... "

Today was peaceful during the morning. Stayed inside due to my sun poisoning on my arms. See this white girl and the sun do not get alowng. I do love the California weather but only spring,fall and winter.

When he older kids got home the so did he fighting, yelling, and lack of self control from the oldest. So both kids have reports due and they both waited until today to let me know oh did I mention mod is due tomorrow and she forgot her book and mo is due on Wednesday. I loved school so much when I was younger I thought yes this is what I want to do in my thirties go back to school. Is this some kind of cosmic joke? I just want to know why?...when there is only 2 weeks left makes teachers think hey lets make reports due. Like my kids want to do school work when it is hot outside. Not! they want to go out and play. Come on teachers did you see the weather. I couldn't get the kids to go outside a couple of months ago, no reports due then!

Made dinner with mod and it was so wonderful! We made lazy lasagna, with cheesy crescent rolls and salad. Im thankful my kids like salads. Even though we haven't had the same thing this was a keeper! So left overs for tomorrow yeah no cooking.

"They are wrong to doubt you, it doesn't mean they wont. The same people who misunderstand you, will walk through fire for you tomorrow...you can handle this." This was on my TV show last night and I felt like it was a message just for me. I wish I had heard this a couple of years ago. This is how I have felt my entire life. I wish I was strong enough to take the criticism from my family and friends. Now that all the people I prayed for years ago to find peace with God are serving I feel like I am an outsider again. How is this possible. While watching my show there was a part where she was in her closet yelling at God and I realized that I am not the only one who has more questions than answers. I also have decided that I want it now and I want results now. It did not happen that way. I was misunderstood in high school for looking for God instead of partying or continuing on a path of sure destruction. I was misunderstood in college and was not strong enough to just hang on. Now in my thirties I know my calling in life is the same as it has always been and I am trying to hang on. Hopefully pushing boundaries along the way, since I do not live in a box. Its more like a rectangle with a box on the side.

sun bumps no nap and the man singing OMG!

Today has been good we planted a tree fixed our drip system and did all this in the morning. Watched some TV and attempted to take a nap with 7 kids running in the house. But no nap aside pretty lazy day. While h was taking a nap I caught the man making fun of the usher song OMG which is so catchy. He even sang part of the song. This is so funny to me because the man hates rap, r&b, dance, Techno, if it isn't classic rock or eighties music he isn't having it. So while h slept we move the cooler to he porch side and it works much better. Kept the kids pretty quiet for h to take a nap. W I also think I have sun bumps from all the working out side. I feel like the dad in fouls rush in. I feel like yelling. "In case you haven't noticed the white people are melting out here". We are a family of 6 and I am the only white one. I hate being white and tanless. Its not working out for me.

Super chef isn't coming down so h went home I hate good byes. Praying for a job to open up here so they can be closer. I know that the man would like that. So made the other tritip corn on the cob and rice tonight. All the kids ate so much no left overs. I can't believe it even the picky ones ate. They loved the corn and rice. Finished he laundry and loaded up mos bike and bag into h s car. She is saving me a car ride to bako. Mo is leaving next week on a plane to a blue grass festival. So even though I love bako I'm glad to be missing the heat and drive.

Watched more videos and mlmm love the song bulletproof. She also says it like she does. The man can not complain about this Retro sounding song. Got the kids bathed and ready for bed and for the neice and nephew to drive home. While getting everything ready mlh asked if he could go with h forever. I'm glad that my relationship with them is so good that they want to ditch me the kids need family. When my Nana died so did our family so I am making sure that my kids understand the importance of family. Its important to have cousins. Because of unfortunate wrongs I missed out. I am not close to anyone in my family except h. I think that is why it hurts so bad when we disagree and then don't talk. I hate it when people mess with our relationship. I'm so glad we are on the same page and agree with this chapter in our lives. We are right... they are wrong!

So h left and the man said "I guess your gonna be unhappy now that she is gone" and went to bed. I laughed and said "yep" I need to keep him guessing. I am up late with mlmm and her coughing.
Maybe I'll get sleep when I'm older or dead.

I think I had a awe ha moment today...just wondering did you choose to leave to become someone better, to get better, because you couldn't deal with the others or because you could no longer be there for me. Just wondering!

I believe it was the others. At least that is what I am hoping the answer is. I miss you.

I'm sorry... I Hate the heat! Get here already!

So woke up this morning so we could finish the rock garden before -H gets here and before I had to go and get our veggies. So here we are searching for more rocks around the property and its getting hot and I have 30 minutes to finish this up. So the man and I for it done!!! The rock garden is finished finally...it looks beautiful and I can't wait to plant he grass so its really done. So into the shower, throw on clothes and out the door the four of us went. Mod stayed with her daddy to help with yard work. We got our veggies just in time. Then off to return items at the Walmart and off to the Sam's club. I got what we needed for this weekend and $140.00 later and now the total is $640.00. I hoe it lasts two weeks. Went to sonic for some drinks and got home a little after 10am. Mornings like this make me tired.

Got home and the man and mod did such a great job clearing all the ugly bushes in front of the house. He also weeded all the weeds by my parking space. So finished putting up the misters and cleaned the sidewalk and after getting grouchy I decided to blame my attitude was because of the heat. So the man asked for an apology and I thought I would apologize like he does so here is mu apology. .. I'm sorry.......(need to pause according to the man for at least 5 seconds ) I hate the heat! The man liked this because he got his apology and I got to blame it on the heat! Ha. I really do hate the heat. After my apology and his laughter he said get here already -h. She does hold the key to your happiness.

So they got here we ate dinner...tritip, potatoes, squash and salad. All I was required to make was the salad. Yeah! Love not cooking! When its The mans grillin.

Dancing wih videos and mlh is so funny I am gonna have to record it. His favorite song is rock your body. The oh oh part is my favorite to listen to him sing. He also tries to break dance. Love it. We also listen to OMG and I think my rocker hubby is dying.

Stayed up late because of the mlmm and her allergies. She is a kid that coughs and then pukes. So h and I stayed up waiting for the kids to go to sleep. Did he dishes and then went to bed. Can not wait one whole day with h and the kids.

Prayed at two red lights and in the shower to night. Thank God for the swamp cooler and air conditioner in my car! I hate the heat!

"I'll kiss your butt..."

I think that every light this morning was green and instead of wounding why I thought okay thank you God! So the little ones and I went to the store and got there before 7:30. I feel like all the old people who go shopping in the morning get totally pissed off when the see my kids and I tear up Walmart. I like going early because there are no lines and I can get in and out. So I spent 500 dollars and about had a heart attack. I can not believe how much little things cost and I did not by any ice cream or junk. If poeple aren't making as much as before why is food still so much?

So on my way back I did get one red light and it was so long that I started praying for weird things l guess it didn't matter what I was praying for I was praying. So after praying for weird stuff I started again on my way home. The kids fell asleep in the car and I unloaded the car and mlh asked me to do some donuts on the property before taking him out of the car so here we are in the car making dust on the property... I bet he neighbors were happy about that. So come in the house put he groceries away and played with the kids before the older ones came home. While were playing mlh ran and fell onto our TV stand. Tears and yelling later mlmm came over so very sweet and said" I'll kiss you butt...let me kiss your butt..." I was confused and said "what?" Than she said "I want to kiss mlh owey he's hurt I'll kiss it and make it better." I think this is great! Oh so funny!

Can't wait until tomorrow according to the man H is the key to my happiness and she is coming to visit tomorrow. I guess tomorrow will be a great day.

stop light challenge!

This morning my daughter's dog Maya got bit on her lip by something and her whole face swelled up. It was he weirdest thing I have ever scene. I think I should learn how to add pictures to his blog thing. I think seeing the things I see everyday might bring more laughter in your lives. So mod stayed home today because of her awful allergies. Her little eyes were as red as a sunburn. So although I was trying to be the bad mean mom and keep her in her room all day caved in so we could watch new moon. Which was awesome! Mlmm stayed away from making big messes today. She fell and cut her leg and cryed herself to sleep which allowed us to watch TV. So although the man hates naps it worked for me. All in all a pretty lazy day. Made cottage pie (similar to Sheppard's pie but made with hamburger) I will no longer call it the s word sorry Gordon. I also made Black Angus bread (made me miss the girl lunches with AT,WC,JM,MD man I miss you guys).

So dinner was good. The man helped me to finish the misters getting ready for the family this weekend and for the hot hot hot! Now if we can finish that stupid rock garden and weed wack all the weeds. Wish I had a bulldozer and a truck that ran so I could get sand so we can put up that pool. I should love the heat but I hate the high Edison bills (PG&E for all you bako people). I also miss my old pool and grass. I guess I am missing a lot today and I didn't realize it until I started writing this blog.

Its Thursday and although I used to love Thursday night TV I am sad tonight. So I sat outside a made a wish list of things I wish I could get done. Maybe I shouldn't hang outside because the list is so long. Or maybe I need a new TV show. Ha

So last night I started thinking of ways I could pray for my day so I could get back into the swing of things. So I thought of all the red lights I sit in and thought why not turn down the music and say a prayer. So here is the challenge tomorrow every time you are at a red light pray. It doesn't matter what you pray or even I you believe lets try it together. Let me know if it changes you or your day. The good they bad and the ugly. Let me know and I will let you know if I worked for me.

i want to know if dropping off my eight and ten year old off at the fire department is illegal or just frowned upon.

Have you ever had one of those days where everything is going pretty smoothly. You get up early and make homemade cinnamon rolls. Keep the kids quite while the man is on a conference call. Send he older kids off to school with little fighting. Do some yard work. Still working on that stupid rock garden. I also put in patio drippers. Then the man came home and packed a bag off to he coast again. Everything seems so good then the kids return home from school and the war is on. Well that's how my day has been.

So I ask you can I drop them off or not. After yelling a couple of kicks some hits and me now involved in this stupid fight over a sharp pencil. Took the camera and iPod away. No TV and sent them to there rooms for the night. Made dinner and washed kids and had all the kids asleep by 7:30. Only to have our neighbor knock on he door and wake up he little ones. If the lights are out we are probably asleep. Yes everyone here goes to bed early. Its county life. So to sum it up I have an eight year old emotional basket case and a ten year old instigator and know it all. I am not looking towards summer thankfully they still have school for three more weeks. Did I mentioned mo want to be homeschooled. God Please help me now!!!

Dear mod, please do not fire me...

The tooth fairly left money and a note... it read dear mod, please do not fire me. It was hard to get here. There are a lot of animals out there. I will try harder. Your tooth fairy Loyd.

So yeah the tooth fairy came last night. So until the next tooth we will be tooth fairy free.

This letter is a symbol of how I feel. There are a lot of animals out there. Animals to make you scared...animals to love you... and animals to act like they love you and then when you are not looking attack. So to all you animals out there if you are looking to attack I got my eye on you.

This morning before the kids ran out the door mo was sitting next to me while I watched the news and said "don't watch TV watch mlmm TV." So I looked over and he was right she was so funny. She was lining up all her toys on the couch and reporting the news in her own words. She was so funny " Mlh did this...mod did this and its looking like this..." so so funny.

After the kids left although not up to par today I did laundry, cleaned up the kids rooms and bathroom. While hanging up laundry I heard the kids and it sounded like they were over the fence so I went to look for them. I peeked around he corner and they were in the sand box. So I went into the bedroom to spy on them through the window. They were laying in the box and pretending like they were sleeping. Before I could take a picture they jumped up and came inside. I think they would have fell asleep in there if the shade wouldn't have been changing. Like my daughter says stupid idiot tree. So the laundry got done and besides the incident with the permanent black marker and my naked daughter. She was naked from flooding the bathroom by plugging the sink. She was wet and took off her clothes. Soaked up all the water thats when she colored on mlh's bed and her arms and legs. So out came the magic eraser and mod helped me scrub off marker before the man came home and pitched a fit.

Made peach cobbler, stale chip chicken, pan potatoes, and squash. Did dishes and watched crabs. Not to bad of a day! I think I might start something tomorrow let you know after I pray about it tonight. Sometimes a good night sleep makes everything so clear. Mods letter back to her tooth fairy...I am so glad she is so tender and forgiving...maybe I am doing this part in her life right!

To my tooth fairy loyd
Dear Loyd, I am sorry. I guess I was rushing to much. And thank you for the money. I just want to warn you because there are coyotes out there. I even saw them in the morning. I am sorry. Love mod