Dear the Queen of tooth fairies...

This morning I woke up after only getting 4 hours of sleep. Mlmm crawled into bed crying for food at 4:45am. "I'm hungry wake up...I gotta go pee...I want milk". This is how it started. So up I got and got her some cereal and milk turned on a movie and made coffee. After the movie was over mod woke up and sat with mlmm while she started to fall asleep so I could pull out some Bacon and sausage to thaw out for breakfast. When I sat back down mlmm was sleeping on mods lap. Mod looked up at me with the sweetest face and said "she is so cute when she is asleep but when she wakes up the turd comes out!" Although I tried not to laugh at his I knew in a way she was right. So I said "you're right she is cute".
Not really acknowledging the turd part. It really surprises me how smart and over emotional she is at eight. I mean when I was eight I didn't act like her. That happened when I was eleven.

So I made breakfast and laid on the couch wishing I could sleep for an hour but I had laundry and I wanted the man to collect rocks for the rock garden. I am on a mission to get the front of the house done. Probably so I can enjoy our porch.

Today is the last day win mods best friend and I met the dad in gorman at 5:00pm which was crazy you should have seen all the cars. She is like a daughter to me so I too get sad when she leaves.

Tonight mod wrote a letter to the Queen of tooth fairies. Mod found her tooth this weekend and that tooth fairy must have not been told because she didn't come again last night.
Here is what it said.


Dear the queen of tooth fairies,
I would like a better tooth fairy like the one I had in Bakersfield. She never forgot and always paid me.
Love, mod

I have a good feeling that he tooth fairy is coming tonight. Keep you informed.
Today is also memorial day and I want to say thank you to all of our vets and service people. I also want you to look at your flag you are flying and if it looks like crap show some respect to all who served or lost there life for that flag and get a new one. I mean come on people! If you took the time to put one up take care of it. A new one costs what 10 dollars.

So thank you super chef, GPA, papa, gma, up, b in-law,all my uncles and anyone else in my family who sacrificed to keep me safe. Thank you to my friends who's family members have served. Mostly thank you to my cousin, kt, and everyone currently serving knowing where you are going to go and still signing up to serve.

I also feel like I'm getting sick. I hope its just lack of sleep.

happy birthday mo

Happy birthday was the theme for today. So I woke up first and tryed to keep mlmm from yelling and waking everyone up. So I made coffee and watched a little TV. After the birthday boy woke up I saw the mood he was in and realized that I needed to take a shower which means maybe a little alone time so I can pray for the day and for his already bad mood. So the man made cream of wheat for the birthday boy. When I got out he seemed a little better and after getting crappy news I decided that I needed to change my attitude. So after yelling at mod because she refused to get up and get dressed so we could go. And Since I am such a nice person here we were all in the car and off to the Walmart to get some put door games and a new kite for mo. Then off to the racing store to get a new clutch for the gokart. Then up the hill and a hour and a half drive to the in-laws house. So although I am irritated right now I did a good job at keeping my cool.

So hung out with the mans family and listened to the stories. It's not like they all bother me its just the situation. As a matter of fact my sour face only came out once when I caught someone talking about me while I was in the room. As for the birthday boy is concerned I do not think it was too bad. But not the best. They definitely do not get him.

After all was said and done I think that we will really be reconsidering home school for mo. I heard it said that sometime kids who are talented have a hard time socializing. Also to all the know it all's we tried several things and they didn't work. But its Also like we aren't trying to find a solution with him. So I am now looking into homeschooling. I do wish we had the money to put him into an arts school. I believe this is where he would sore.
So up late again and wishing I could have gotten to sleep in. But because we were not here I didn't cook and I feel like I need a maid for tomorrow. All and all a pretty sunny day with a lot of driving and mlmm and her music too funny. Also the man was in a fairly good mood and is deciding to look at the positive...we only have him for eight more years. Sad but he was trying for funny. At least for today he is looking for positive.

On a good note I figured out the phone blog post thing. But I am not sure that typing with my thumbs is the answer either. Also h remember I am only happy when you are around. Thank you for all the wonderful wishes for mo's birthday and thank you for the prayers.

Decided to send save the date cards for next year!

As I sit in bed and type my blog in the dark on my phone I wonder why? Why are there moments in life that take our breath away followed by moments of blah... Tomorrow is Mo's birthday and although the birthday I plan will not be taking place everyone is willing to throw him a party. I know that my feelings right now are not rational. If you were to ask most men they would say they are crazy. But they are my crazy feelings. I feel like saying screw you to every one who couldn't make it to his party. I feel like my party wasn't good enough so since I can't throw a good party everyone wants to throw one for me. If they knew mo and the problems we face with him they would have come to his party and they would not have asked us to change his day. There is nothing like having your kid crying in your lap saying I wish I had friends. The anger that he has about this saddens me. I can not make friends for him and I can not make my family come to a party. But I can send out save the date cards for next year so they wont get confused on the date. So you are invited to mo's 11th birthday party next year memorial day weekend 2011.

Besides my feelings of disbelief I am not sure what we are doing tomorrow. I do not have anything planed and because of all the tears I want to do what he wants. To bad he is so expensive!

We finished one side of the rock garden. The man surprised me and flew mo's kite with him. Then took him to a car show leaving me with the girls and little ones. We watched a movie and they played outside. Made beer battered fish and salted fries for dinner. We watched another movie thank you H. Now I am gonna pray about tomorrow. I know if I go anywhere with this attitude it will be a crappy day.

Did I mention that tomorrow I will be the proud owner of a 10 year old.

allergic reaction and family night

Today has been one of those days which envolved mlmm getting in the shower with me and letting me know how "lucky" she was. To having a crying kid for an hour because of her ouchy.

Today I thought I'd be the cool mom and let Mlh and mlmm put on the temporary tattoo that Mlh got for his birthday. After putting one one mlmm and then putting one on her other hand mlh came in and I put two on his arms. All of a sudden mlmm started yelling get it off get it off. She was also crying and I thought this was some weird mlmm thing and she was faking or it was just her realizing that it wasnt comming off. Then I looked at her arm and got a wash cloth and started whiping it off. When it was off I looked at this red mark and realized we had a problem. By the time I got off the other one this one was worse than the first. It was all red and you could see the imprint of where the tattoo was. So she cried herself to sleep and took an hour nap on my lap. When she woke up it looked the same and I gave her some allergy medicine. I guess I will see how it looks in the morning.

The man came home followed by the kids and I decided to order pizza for diner. We haven't had that at our house for a long time. So ordered pizza and thought it would be awesome to hook up the computer to the TV and watch a movie... so 30 minutes later and we were watching a movie and besides mo non stop talking durning the movie it went great. Mlh fell asleep within the first 20 minutes followed by mlmm. Next to go were the girls(mod and her best friend). Mo stayed up until the end and we were all in bed by 9:45. This is deffently something I will be doing again.

Besides the occasional crying fit and little messes...today was good. Also Sil called and the doctor never read her xray...her foot is broken in two places.

"I want peace and quiet!"

Today has been a crazy day with lots of cleaning and laundry. The man returned tonight and I needed to get the house cleaned for him and our friends that were dropping off their daughter for the weekend. So, I woke up and cleaned, cleaned, cleaned! After getting the house done and helping SIL get her stuff cleaned up and ready for her to leave tonight I sat down and got a movie started for the kids so I could try this shower thing again. It worked this time.

When I got out of the shower and all ready for the man to return I heard a funny conversation between mlmm and SIL. So SIL said " I want a million dollars" then mlmm said "I want a million bucks" then back to SIL to say " I want a million dollars" again mlmm said getting louder "I want a million bucks" after a couple more times of this I think that mlh had enough because he chimed in with "you know what I want... I want peace and quiet!" I find this so funny because first this is a great line from the movie What about Bob and also because The man says this to the kids all the time when he is watching TV. So here is my four year old becoming the man by saying I want peace and quiet during his TV show. It amazes me daily to see how much my boys are like the man at times and other times its like a stranger has invaded there little bodies.

So after a some what of a peaceful evening our friends showed up after getting lost and backing up on a on ramp. We made coffee on off they went back to Bakersfield. I am up late and wish I was in bed sleeping. When they left the sound woke up the little ones and now I am waiting for there little eyes to go to sleep. Watched a sad movie and now I am grateful. Grateful that I know what real peace is and although I am waiting for everyone around me to also find it I wouldn't trade my crap for other peoples crap! Thank you God for my suffering! So for tonight I will be happy and grateful for my crazy dysfunctional family!

Lube vs. My Little Mess Maker!

Today has been a great do not much hang out with the little ones kind of day! I did not have anything planned today so I watched a movie with SIL since she is still gimped up on my couch. Watching a movie with a two and four year old involves pushing stop 100 times so a hour and a half movie takes over three but that is okay I understood the point and the kids had a good time not going any where today. I think!

Today is violin and guitar practice so before I went I thought I would clean up around the house a little and take a shower. So, I got in the shower and after only being in there a couple of minutes I heard mlmm in the bathroom. After peeking my head out the shower door and asking her what she was doing she disappeared. Which I new was a bad sign. Mlh was out watching TV on the couch with SIL so I thought maybe that is where she is. A couple of minutes later here she was standing in my bathroom saying "I'm Lucky all Lucky!, Lucky! Lucky! Lucky!" Then she said "I'm getting in the shower too." So off with the clothes and in the shower she went. I cleaned her up and got out. Got dressed and put our clothes in the laundry room. It wasn't until I came back in the room and started to look at some stuff on the floor that made me start to really look for the yucky mess she got in to. Then to my surprise I found it and man oh man I wish i had a picture of my face.

The man does air conditioning for a company and he goes from job site to job site. One of the jobs he works for manufactures Lube. They are trying a new line and gave him samples. Ha the story is getting funny right. Well we got them and I didn't think too much of them and stuck them in the top drawer of my night stand and they have sat for months now. Well she took the tops two of them and tried to use them like lotion (which she is obsessed with... the lotion I mean). So, on the floor next to my bed is a hugh pile of lube, a towel and her shirt. Next time she says she id Lucky! ( Yucky!) I better get out of the shower and see what she has gotten into.

The rest of the evening so far has been great. Fell asleep on the couch and SIL wake me up to send me to bed but before I go I am writing this great FUNNY day down. Looks like rain out side!

Choking in the thorns!

After driving to one way and then another only to be sent back to the first place today we still do not know if the foot is broken but she has a awesome looking shoe on her foot and we were told they would call us tonight but that didn't happen so maybe tomorrow. I will say this at least the nurse was funny she asked SIL to chase her and told us that the shoe that she has was in high demand and we should not tell anyone where we got it.

While I was out with SIL and her foot before we had to return home to pick up the kids I stopped off at the walmart to get milk and while I was there they had Justin Beiber posters for a dollar so I bought one for MOD and put it on her door. You should have heard the scream. After her hugs and kisses she asked if I could get one of Shark Boy!(Taylor Lautner) Ha I still am laughing about this one. If you do not know what I am talking about then you must not have kids or watch Twilight. So I will have to start looking for a poster of him. I think it is so funny how my 8 year old wants posters in her room. I sometimes feel like I am back in high school!

So the majority of my day was sitting in the doctors office and then this afternoon I didn't have to have everything in order so we got homework done. Dinner which was leftovers and we watched Deadliest Catch! Or as my kids call it crabs! We had very little fighting with mo and it seamed to go pretty smoothly. After last night it was a breath of fresh air. After I put the kids to sleep I watched some TV with SIL and then she went to bed. I am totally GAGA for GLEE, will be sad when the season is over.

Sitting up tonight I was reminded of what was said in my TV program and it got me thinking.... Seeds fall in thorns and the seeds grow, the thorn chokes the plant order for it to bear fruit. You are choking in the thorns. This was like one of those light bulb moments in cartoons! It made me realize that this is where I am in my life I am choking in the thorns. This also gives me the strength to hold on because I know that soon I will bearing fruit.

To all my friends who left me such wonderful messages yesterday... Thank you! Oh did you see I have FOUR followers!!!

Day 40... shopping, call from the fire department , and a possible broken foot!

Well today started out with a drive to Ventura for a appointment. Everything is good! Thank you for the prayers. After the doctors appointment we went to lunch and then to look around the outlets in Camarillo. Shopping with out a stroller is a nightmare. mlh kept disappearing on me and mlmm was trying to help by bringing me everything in the store, laying on the floor and acting like a cat! I thought it was cute but I do not think the employees thought it was so cute. I bought some new shoes and then we were on our way back. I wish we could have shopped for hours but that would require money! On the way back we stopped for strawberries and the man called to let SIL know that the fire department called and our kids were concerned. So here I am crying all the rest of the way home and pissed off isn't even the word for the disappointment and anger I felt. I know that seeing the positive is what I am trying to do but... So I dropped off my mom and uncle at their home and drove the 30 min drive trying to understand why the man was not home to pick up the kids and why did the fire department get involved. (since mo doesn't have a cell phone and we do not have a home phone how did they call?) So when I got home the man and I had a very intense discussion about the event and all the built up frustrations that I have and I know that some times you have to get in it so you can find out were the other person is. I know that I love the man and I know that he loves me but sometimes love is not enough and when there are kids involved you have to find a balance and I am not sure what that is supposed to look like! But, what we have is not balanced and after all was said I am still worried that I will soon be alone.

I know that you are all wondering about the fire department... Well today the fire department came to inspect our property for fire clearance and when the kids saw them at the gate they ran out and told them that I was not home and that they were all alone and they did not have a way to call me. (In California you have to be 12 to be left alone and we have a 10 and 8 year old) I have never left them alone and the man was to pick they up. So they called me first ( did not hear the phone...driving) and then called the man... they waited for him until he got there. I guess he was 30 minutes late from picking them up. The fire department helped them look for a way in to the house and we will see if anything becomes of this... I am also looking into phones.



While we were having our discussion SIL took the kids outside to play! Thank you SIL! While she was out side she tripped on the unfinished planter and I think her foot is broken but we will have to wait until tomorrow to find out because Kaiser is no longer open and she doesn't want to go to the ER for a hurt foot.

Didn't make dinner tonight. The tooth fairy will have to wait until tomorrow. I spent time praying last night and today started out great and now I do not know. What am I doing 40 days in and I am hurt, sad, and alone! ( I know you are never alone...) But I feel alone! I was told that my blogs would start to not look so sugar coated and if my blog offends anyone I didn't mean to upset anyone!

We are firing our tooth fairy!

Its Sunday and Super Chef made my favorite breakfast and let me tell you it never gets old and it tastes so good that I made myself sick. I ate so much that I wanted to unbutton my pants. Its food like this that makes my want to puke up my breakfast so I can eat more. I even licked my plate ( as a joke!) I can not believe how awesome butter and eggs can taste! If you have no idea what I am taking about read last Sundays blog. So today is just one of those lazy days where you wish you would have stayed in your PJ's. Laid around the house and just did nothing. I probably felt this way from eating so much. The family packed up there trailer and waited until baby E fell asleep. She is a car screamer which leads to puking. I have two kids that did this and let me tell you doggy poop bags work the best and there is nothing like sitting in the back seat with a crying baby that makes you not want to ever go anywhere ever. Puking crying kids oh H I am truly sorry. Good news is although it never goes away they do learn how to hold the bag!

So waiting for the baby to go night night we started watching a movie and let me tell you there is something so funny about watching a seven and eight year old dissect the movie. Did you see that... she almost did... he almost... and there in the back ground are the two and three year old saying close your eyes. ( I make them do this if there is kissing in the movie) If you have not stopped and listened to your kids while they are watching tv you should it might just open your eyes. Just like mlh thinking a girl is hot! Seven and eight year old also know what is up. So, my SIL showed up and we ate lunch and then before I knew it H and Super Chef were on there way.

I think I am going to exploded I must have something like lactose intolerant problem let me tell you between the root beer float and the turtle pie I am dying! I can't even focus on this blog. Ever have one of those days where you don't fall off the ban wagon you jump! Well that is what I did! I am paying the price now! I do not think I have eating like this in years and I wish I could just puke. Toooo much good food!!!

On a funny note I think we are going to have to fire our tooth fairy! Mod asked us to not let the tooth fairy take her tooth so she could show everyone this weekend. So the man told her to write on the plastic bag DO NOT TAKE! So the tooth sat on the fridge for almost a week. She didn't tell anyone that she was putting that tooth under her pillow and when she woke up it was still there. Not saying a word just being upset she kept it to her self. My ten year old niece came in and told me of the delima and I came up with the didn't the bag say do not take? So now the tooth is gone and she is convinced that she took it last night and didn't give any money. So tomorrow I will be looking for the tooth so we can write a letter to the fairy commissioner and ask for a new tooth fairy!!! (KB this is what you did right?) Well I'll let you know if we find that tooth... with mlh and mlmm around there is no telling where that tooth is!

I am leaving you to spend some time on my knees tonight! About time most of your are thinking. I let you know how it goes!

Breakfast, Birthday party and Family!

Well, here I am up late and all I can think about is how today did not go as planed. But, then again does anything ever go as planed? Maybe that is my problem. I plan. I could write about this plan that I had but... really at what cost? Who will get hurt and is it worth it? I believe that in every thing you do you can chose to see the bad or you can choose to see the good. Since I am trying to see the good that happened today here it is. We celebrated E's first birthday and Mo's tenth even though his real b-day is not until next weekend. My first instinct this morning was to get pissed off at all the drama but I decided not to let it bother me and just smile and go with the flow. Made french toast for everyone so Super Chef didn't have to cook. Cleaned the house ( in a panic thankfully I ended up having more time) to get ready for the rest of the family to show up and just turned the music up and danced. Lunch was wonderful (thank you Super Chef) and the cake and cupcakes I made with the new recipe were good (lovin' that butter cream frosting)I also made homemade ice cream which I think makes everything taste better (It also reminds me of my Nana and how she made homemade ice cream for events in the summer). Laughing at a bad situation seems to be working for me I didn't yell or cry or even let it get me down. E almost cried when we sang to her and did not want anything to do with the cake but give her a spoon and some ice cream and she was great! Taking little bites and trying not to make a mess. Mo loved his camera that his uncle gave him and started taking picture of everyone (he loved his other gifts but for some reason mlmm bit the top off of his present and man did the tears flow).(I think she has some obsession with styrofoam she bits it and spits it out like a dog. Weird Right! After the party was over Mo and LE (this is what I will be calling my nephew) went to my moms to stay the night and swim in the warm pool. The rest of the kids watched movies and the adults watched a movie and laughed. I didn't have an awe moment today but I did learn something about who I am and who I wish to not be and I guess that is what this blog was to bee all about. So today I am grateful for advice that was given to me and the ability to see the good.

Fat lip, dirty dirty kids, and a cage for my wennie!

This morning was great sent the kids off to school then sat down with Super Chef and H and watched the season finally of Grey's. I hate waiting until next year why can't they just be throughout the year? H and her kids went to moms for some much needed alone time with Nana. The men went shopping for bike things and I cleaned house. After feeding the little ones lunch and letting mlmm take a little nap the men return home and I went shopping with only one kid which I never get to do...so off to walmart to shop for the much needed supplies for tomorrows shindig! On the way back I got the usual phone call... you know the one that goes where are you... do you know where...is. This is the phone call that makes me say to myself why can't men find anything. What did the mothers of the past do wrong that makes all boys unable to find anything?

After unloading all the crap I bought I realized that I never bought Mo anything for his birthday and he will have to wait until the mans next paycheck. I told the man my delima and he let me know that I get to explain this to mo and then he tried to trick me by saying he bought mo a motorcycle for $1400 I almost crapped my pants. Then I realized that he was pulling my chain and thank God he was.

I started making beef and broccoli and chow mein for dinner and I have decided that I need a prep cook and a dish washer. This would make my life easier. I mean you should see the mess that happens when you make Chinese food!

So the bikes are fixed and so is the go kart so here are my kids racing arond the property . Thank God we have 2.5 acres. Since my niece and nephew stayed at moms my kids didn't have to share the bikes and I think that getting the go kart fixed will do for a birthday present for now. The dinner turned out great so I was told (I really do not like Chinese food). I am still cleaning up the house. I didn't get all the laundry cleaned and I will be up late tonight and getting up early to get it all done!

While getting my computer up and running tonight mlmm came running in crying and with a mouth full of dirt so the man washer her mouth out( She has a huge fat lip!) and I decided that it was time for bed so shower time it is. As I put her and mlh in the shower I could not believe the amount of dirt that came off them it was enough to turn the floor of the shower brown. Why is it that kids collect so much dirt? Why does it stick to their skin more than mine? I do not think I will ever understand the complexity of this!

While getting mlh dressed he said that he needed a cage for his weenie. I looked at him with the strangest face I guess because he then said "mom take that look off your face and get my cage." I said "what?" and he then explained that he needed help getting on his chonies.

While typing this blog tonight so Super Chef could go to bed, H and I were sitting in the room and she was talking to mlh. she was telling us about her wrist and he said that she needed a screw driver to fix her hurt wrist he went and got her one and attempted to turn it on her skin. I am telling you this story because with all that is going on with me and this journey a friend of mine said that I needed to continue to laugh at things so here I am trying to get this done so H and the baby can go to bed and all I can think about is maybe I need to start looking for the laughter and try to see the good around me. So for tonight I am going to say a prayer for this dear friend who made my morning and try to see the laughter in all that I do.

"He's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and s@#$!"

The man came home very early and I just waited for the usual comment of "what did you do today!" If only he knew what I do everyday he would probably jump off a bridge! He came home to fix the car and the low coolant issue. So he was in the garage and I decided to finish cleaning before Super Chef and H come tonight. This weekend we are combining birthdays and having them at my house. I do not believe that anyone is coming because that is how is works with May babies. Mo"s birthday is next week and I thought I would just be the nice person and cancel his party for the family and they still are not coming this weekend either. You would think that since we always have his birthday on the Sunday of Memorial day weekend and we have been doing this since his first birthday that people would just put it on the calender but I think that would be too easy. I probably would not be so upset if mo had friends but since he does not and the only friends he has is family it really makes me sad to think that they just can not get with the program.

So my car got fixed and he even helped me hang clothes and he vacuumed the house for me since E is only turning one and picks up everything off the floor. So today he helped but why today? "He's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and s@#!." This is one of my new favorite lines from a movie and I want to know, if you can buy the baby book, and the your kids messed up book, and the how to be a great wife book. Where are the instructions for the now you have a husband here's what you do with him book? I do believe that all husbands are like gremlins... If you water them or feed them after midnight look out. Every mans water and feeding are different but I want to know where are the instructions. Do not get me wrong everyone (whether you want to say it out load or not) knows what men want and trust me I have decided that is is only one thing. But besides that where is the book. The one that says...

I just though I would put that out there. I think that when you are married and have no kids it is totally different but when you have kids and you have 4 of them everything that you knew about your man changes. I would like to tell everyone that when you go to premarital counseling they lie to you and the questions are not relevant. All you think about is the wedding. I think if they showed him a picture of what happens after 4 and 11 years he would have ran...The hardest part for me is that everyone that we were friends with we are not anymore. They are either divorced, remarried, not in a situation that we want to be in or they are just phony. You know the fake friends that as soon as they leave your house they are on the phone telling everyone what you are doing wrong.

So to my surprise I have two followers and a couple of friends reading this blog. To you I say THANK YOU! Since people are asking me... I made some good old fashion poor man food... Creamed Eggs on toast. Yum! Tomorrow I am going to try something new! let you know how that goes! Also the cookbook is the Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution!

"What's in your mouth? Spit it out...one, two, three"

Today has been a day of ups and downs and a lot of laughs with the kids. While sitting on the computer trying to post my blog and figure out why my connection keeps resetting. I stuck a movie on the the room with me and made the kids sit on the floor and eat there lunch and watch the movie while I tried to get this this all worked out. I took a bite of my daughters sandwich and she gave me the look of death and then said to me "what's in your mouth? Spit it out ( opening up her hand for me to spit it into her hand) one...two...three! Now!" I swallowed the bite down the started laughing. I mean how many times did I say that to her when she was younger for her to say that to me. I think that this is amazing and I can;t wait until she says this to her kids.

The man came home early today and I new when he closed his door with force he was not in the mood. Lately I feel like I cannot win. I mean I do not know what exactly do people want form me? So, basically I can never take a shower again and I can never do enough house work and I do not do enough around the house to make it worth being home. HELP I am drowning! I have two at home and all I do is go from room to room and clean up. Here is my only answer if you value something put it up. Then mlmm can not dump the whole can of fish food into the fish tank. Then she can not poke holes in your work stuff. Then she can not color on the walls with your permanent marker. then he can not break your favorite toys. Then I will not have to hear anyone else yell I HATE YOU... So after all this, a loud discussion and pissing me off completely I have decided that I QUIT!

I left the man home with the babies and went to the kids spring show at school. Not being informed that I need to bring my own chair and standing in the sun waiting for it to start I gave both kids a dollar to get them something to drink and wouldn't you know it that they only bought candy and now they are asking me for more money I sent them back to sit with their groups and leave me to enjoy the concert. After Mod performed she came and stood next to me as I tried to record MO perform his recorder. After he was done I was completely humiliated by a teacher who should learn the right way to confront a parent and in front of all the parents and making my son cry is not the way. We set off to home and I tried to figure out how to tell the man.

After speaking to the man he completely surprised me and calmly had a very long conversation with him an didn't yell. I know that this is our biggest problem and I am glad to see the baby steps. Now it is time for us to go to sleep and I am sadden(because I know this is going to be a long haul) but grateful to see the little God moments in this evening. Oh I made leek and potato soup all but one liked it!

I also sent out my first 4 cards I still have about 500 so if email me your address I would appreciate it! You might be surprised to see how God works when I send you a random card!

"they flew like a balloon out the window!"

Went to moms this morning to do nails and let the kids make a mess at her home instead of mine. On the way I heard a loud noise and then a thump! Ever wonder why there is shoes on the freeway and it is always one! Well ask mlmm she will tell you how they get there. When I asked her what happened she said very nicely "they flew like a balloon out the window!" Driving home I realized something awesome The Man will not be upset at me for not accomplishing something today. Since he was not going to be home tonight I thought I would let the kids get away with murder.

I made a new recipe from Jamie Oliver's cook book I feel like I am Julie and Julia. I mean I love to cook and I feel like I am talking a lot about food lately but his cauliflower and mac'n cheese recipe is great it is full of veggies and the kids liked it! So after we ate I let the kids watch Xanadu which I loved as a kid and I think Mo believes I am crazy! Skating and dancing was the coolest thing ever! So after watching the movie with the kids I called the man and set off to bed but being alone I realized that mlh was not tired and he was still up so here I am up waiting until he is asleep and decided to watch a movie. So up late again... "Can I ask you a question... is the casino pager friendly? I'm not getting a sig on my pager!" that's for you H... ha ha off to bed alone.!!!

I hate my computer!!!!!

I have nothing to say that is life changing today except I hate my Internet and computer!!! I am having to write my blogs and then type them and everything I typed yesterday is gone somewhere in cyberspace just floating around. CAN"T POST!!!!! that is what it keeps saying lost connection to server!!! why can't it be easier! Help I am going to through this computer out the window just like those computer commercials!!!! This is all I have to say about today!

Also! I love the rain!

"You can come and see her!"

So Packed up all the stuff in my car and off to the Snow shack! I never new how much I missed this little blue house!!! WOW! So off we go and before I made it out of town blown tire on the freeway and her we sit!!! As my daughter would have said stupid idiot trailer tire! So I called and called and then the man called back and now the chef is on the way... I think that for today I should call him Super Chef! So he can scream Super Chef to the rescue! So the family came to my rescue and then I went back to Bakersfield to get another trailer tire because the other one looked like it was going to blow any minute! Two new tires and away we go back up the grapevine and then to home! So glad I had this yard sale so i could make no money and charge new tires!!! HA HA So after 4 long hours with crying kids and stopping on the side of the road for the little ones to pee and then stopping again for gas we made it home and man I am so... tired so this blog is going to be short!

My funny story for today as we sat at the Super Chefs house for him to change the other tire my little nephew climbed into the car and said " Can Mod ( My oldest daughter) be my sisters new sister?" then he said "can I be MO's (my oldest) new brother." After H explained that he would miss everyone in a week and that he would miss his sister. He said "You can come and see her!" that is when I realized that he wanted to not come with me but that he was trying to trade his sister for my son! I love this because I think that every boy that has an older sister wants that bossy girl to go away! So here is my apology to Supper Chef I am sorry for being such a bossy girl and I hope you wish to not trade me anymore!!!

Yard Sale! Sunburn! and Goodwill!

You read the title right we had a yard sale and didn't sale anything of value! H sill has the couches and I still have the desk! H also has the FREE Kittens and I am sunburned and my eyes are on fire!!! So I am up late because H scared the crap out of me and I keep hearing noises so I found a book and I am hand writing this blog so I can type it when I return!

So the chef made some wonderful Chicken Marcela tonight and some wonderful mash potatoes and in the morning he is making my favorite thing in the whole wide world Eggs Benedict. I have ordered this before in restaurants and my brothers can kick anyone's @#$ for sure! There is something about that wonderful Hollandaise sauce that just says this is wonderful!! I can not wait until tomorrow! For all you people who eat this out of a jar or serve it out of a can or mix you are missing the point of butter and eggs!!! I love it!!!

Besides the yard sale being a bust and the computer not syncing with the x box which means no movies for us to watch! Today has been splendid!!! I love warm sunny days that make you scream I love spring!!! I hope that tomorrow is as great as today! I also wish I would have thought about this weekend because I could have planned to go to church tomorrow:( well that just shows me that my priorities are still screwed up! But I know that I see them all messed up now which is s a great thing I think!

So this book that I took off the shelf has really got me thinking that I am totally doing this parenting thing all wrong!!! Am I the only one who thinks this?

4 kids, a trailer full of junk and mlmm singing Alejandro from Lady Gaga!

Today has been a great day with a couple of bump along the road!
Didn't get the house done due to packing up stuff for the yard sale which means going through boxes and boxes! As soon as the kids got home we rushed over to moms to pick up a desk which I hope I get sold. After stopping to get water for my car and stopping again to find out why my radio will not work off to Bakersfield we went.

4 kids, a trailer full of junk and mlmm singing Alejandro from Lady Gaga! I differently need to record it before she stops singing this song it is so funny to see her sing the parts she knows and then lip sing the parts she doesn't it looks so real! I can not believe she is only 2 1/2. Once we got to the Chefs house it was off to Costco for pizza and then bathing the kids to make sure we can wake up early for this yard sale! The man called and told us a funny story that happened with a cell phone lost service and then a message that now seems so funny. I hope that the other person finds it as funny some day!! I hope that the man has a great weekend alone and gets a lot done around the house including the rock garden! WOW I forgot how late they go to bed I hope I can get up on time! I love having great times with the family!

Leg pains

I hate it when you have a busy day planned and then you get a phone call and everything changes. It sucks because I still have to finish all the things that are expected by the man to get done! So everything changed this morning and I guess it worked out for the best or it worked out the best it could. So I did not get to add my contacts to my phone and my house is not cleaned and that is just how today has gone!

After getting home the same time as the man and realizing that I have a lot of things to do if I am going to get out the door on time tomorrow! I decided to ask for help to get the trailer full of the yard sell items. After filling the trailer completely full and looking through some more boxes I want to know what makes us keep so much stuff. I mean I can not seem to let go of any of it. Also what do you do if you find old pictures do you email that person and ask them if they want them? I have too much stuff!!! Looking at my garage make me want to call clean house. HELP ME NIECY NASH!!!I hope that with me and the kids going to H's house for a yard sell the man will be in a great mood and I hope he gets a lot of stuff done around the house.

The good thing about going away is the threat to the older kids... You know the if you do not clean up your rooms you will not be going with me. Which is so not the case I can not leave them with the man. All five of us will be going but man you should have seen there faces when I said times up. They both begged and pleaded and did extra chores. So all that is left before going tomorrow is laundry and going through a couple of boxes.

Mlh said something to me tonight being up late do to leg pains.. He said "mom boys kiss girls?" I said "yes" then he said "good that girl is hot" That Lane Bryant commercial has my 4 year old wanting to kiss girls! What? The man said "hey he likes girls!" Only a boy would say that I say he can't have any more leg pains its cutting into my TV time! So TV off sorry Grey's and private practice maybe later!

Please pray for my mom tomorrow!

I have amazing super powers!!!

Last night in the middle of the night something amazing happened. It used to happen a lot... and it happened again!! I used to hear music or have a song and I would wake up, pull my car over or stop where I was and I had to write! Well, last night I got up and wrote. I used to dream about people and I would get a weird feeling and I would have to stop what ever I was doing and pray for that person. But, that hasn't returned. But I wrote!!! When I was younger it used to make me crazy but it got to be how things worked in my life. I never realized how much I missed this crazy writing of songs until it stopped. It has been over 2 years since I wrote any music. But my big but got out of bed last night and I wrote and wrote! I can not believe how great this feeling is. So, all this lyricist needs is her musician. C.A. I really miss you!

With the ups comes the downs...I have discovered with my sister-in-law's (H) help that I have amazing super powers!!! I can make crazy things happen to people who are not even around me or to people who I have not talked to. So does anyone want any of my super human powers!!! HAHA H you crack me up and I think that you have an amazing way to see the humor in life. I just want everyone to know... If you need me to push you and make you fall...don't give me a call! I mean REALLY! Seriously! Come on!

Now on to the rest of my day! I went shopping and my little ones make me laugh every time I go out in public... WARNING!!! if you see me and my little ones you better run! Mlh must have put 20 things into the basket and he must have thought that it was going to rain because he was carrying a umbrella in the store and I think that he has figured out my way. I usually hand the cashier all the things that we are not going to buy, but before I could hand her that umbrella he handed it to her and said "WE ARE BUYING THIS!" She scanned it and he ran over to the door and sat on the floor. It was almost like he was saying to me mom you are not going to put this back. So after buying him the umbrella and getting mlmm some rain boots we were off to as mlh calls it "THE WALMART" Groceries and some sand for the sand box and we were out the door then I decided that I was no longer going to have missed calls and decided to get a new phone so 45 mins later and I have a new phone... because of the little ones and the desire to lay on the floor and say "I'm tired" we left before I could get my contact info in and now I have decided that I am cell phone stupid.! Even my almost 10 year old took my phone and showed me a few things but the contact thing I do not get it! Back up assistant you suck! I will not be defeated by a phone or kid! I will read the manual and figure this thing out!

Okay...maybe not 1 hour and I can not figure this out! VW I guess I will be seeing you again!

I'm not a pack rat... I'm not, I'm not!

Today has been a day full of raw emotion the kind that makes your stomach sick! The kind that makes that knife feeling. You know that gut wrenching feeling. Well with all this emotion. I decided to look back at the past 11 years of my life and it makes me wonder. Why is it that so many people in our lives leave or run away or are taken away. I wonder when I stand before God will he say "Well done" or will I see misguided friendships and heartache so unbelievable that the knife kills me? I know that everyone in life has heartache but how much is too much? My life is full of awful things and abandonment. It is also full of wonderful memories that make me ask why? Why? Why? I guess you can say that this week has been a little rough for me and it is only the beginning of the week. I am not gonna kid myself I knew that the journey that I am taking is going to be a long and hard look at myself. I think that I am at the point on this ride where I am contemplating putting my hand over my mouth and one hand up in the air to let the scary carny know that I am ready to get off. I know that sometimes the scariest rides you know the ones that make you either almost puke or pee your pants they end up being the best. So I guess I am gonna stick this one out and see just how much fun this ride is gonna get... but it better get fun quick our I am gonna jump off!

We are having a yard sale this weekend and since we still have not finished moving in and unpacking all those dreaded boxes (you know the ones you say I'll go through them later and push them to the side) I thought I would spend sometime seeing just what is in all this crap we have and see if I can sell any of it. So here I am looking though box, after box, after box when my almost 10 year old (Yes that is right I almost have a ten year old)came in and said " man mom you have a lot of stuff what are you some kind of pack rat!" I must admit that seeing me on the floor looking at paper after paper and me making piles and piles. Shred, keep, what am I keeping this for etc. I guess I look like a pack rat but I am not!! At least I will keep telling myself that. Looking though all this stuff made me sad. Sad to find a box full of cards...cards that I collected, bought for someone or for something and I never sent them out. I used to be a great friend and send cards for all types of events and for some weird reason I stopped. I am not sure if it is because I got lazy or if it's because of life and my 4 kids. But, what ever the reason I have decided to send out all these cards! So...if you want or need a card... send me your address... Seriously I do not have a lot of the addresses I used to have and I would love to brighten up someones day, and I know that nothing makes people more happy than mail... real mail not emails but real mail...So send your address...Please! Don't worry I could careless where your live and I am not gonna sell your info!

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love! That is a phrase that you hear a lot growing up and now that I am older and trying to figure out what my relationship with God is it makes me wounder what is unconditional love? Everyone says that God loves you unconditionally, but if you have not seen that kind of love then how do you know? Do not get me wrong I love my kids and I am trying not to mess them up, but...Everywhere in my life there are conditions when it comes to love...I will only love you if...I will only love you if you do not speak to that person...I will only love you from a distance... I will only love you if you do what I want not and not what you need... I will only love you if... or its like I only love you when you are doing what I want... I only love you when you are suffering...I only love you when you make me happy... I only love you when...You get the point. I know that unconditional love is out there somewhere but I do not think that I have experienced it. So I guess my question to all you cats out there... Where do I find unconditional love?

"Who farted!"

Today was all in all what I expected. Mlh had a great time and we even got to watch the movie Leap Year which I believe was good the parts I saw. After cake, homemade ice cream, and hot dogs we open presents and it went good I guess. I mean it wasn't like we got to celebrate mothers day. I believe my mom liked the gifts we got and the cards but like I said M-day is no longer mothers day!

When we got back this evening something happened that years ago I would have been pissed off at but with age comes calmness a calmness that was so needed tonight and I want you to know that when you read this story please don't think to bad of me. So we were sitting down with the three kids watch a movie and relaxing next to the fire. You read the correctly fire in may. it got so cold in the house while we were at moms that we had to light a fire when we got home. So, the man let one go and mlh said "oh who farted?" the next thing that happened is so funny that any mad would be proud but it just pissed the man off to no end. Mlh ran in to the kitchen and started yelling "help I'm puking". He couldn't stand the smell and tried to get away. Understanding his anger mlh went to the kitchen to puke and not the bathroom but come on it was awful. Farts and puke! haha! So there is the man mad and cleaning up puke and there is me sitting in the living room laughing and watching the crazy event and then it hit me. He used to think that it was so funny to make me gag. But now that mlh is gagging and puking is gets pissed. Well I told him I was going to blog about this and let him know that most men would think that making your kid puke by farting was the coolest thing ever. He said no... I disagreed anyone think I'm right?

Lesson learned today I am becoming more patient...is it the praying? Also, I think my fun is returning!!!!

Yard work with no work!!!

This morning we work up and drove to get the veggies! After picking up the veggies we (Sil,Mod,mlmm, and the soon to be birthday boy) went shopping for the very expensive DS. When we got home the man said lets do some yard work so after a couple of minutes of that crap I said "why do we always have to do this in the middle of the day when its hot I hate getting sunburned". So I said I would watch him rototiller in the shade and i did. It was awesome! My oldest daughter came up and sat on my lap and said "mom this makes me happy!" I said "why". She said "to see the man do all the work!" ha I am training her young with out even saying a word this is great. So after so rototiller I even got him to trim the tree and weed around the tree where I was sitting. We even built a little sand box for the kids. We also planted some onions and some succulent plants. Oh we even fixed the drip system on one side of the house. I love to see work done. The rock garden is still not finished but we are getting closer. All in all this day has been GREAT!!! I love days like this!

"Big bears have big balls and little bears have little balls!"

House cleaning today! Trying to keep up and catch up! I feel like every time I start the kids start messing it up! my SIL (sister-in-law) is coming today for the weekend. Even though it is mothers day on Sunday it is also mmlh's birthday and she is very close to him. They have a special bond that I can not describe, but I love it. So after cleaning for what felt like 5 days she arrived and we sorted clothes to pass along. Its hand me down time! I love the weekends when we have stuff to do. I makes it feel like it goes quick. I know that most people like to relax but I like to do and get stuff done!

I made a wonderful dish tonight thank you Jamie Oliver! I love his cook books the are wonderful. So as we set down to dinner the man said something to me that made me happy. Since we moved in to our own home we have had something different for dinner. Except for leftovers I have made something new or different and I have only made the same thing twice. Pretty impressive don't you think! We moved in Nov. So tonight I made pasta with Camembert cheese. It was so wonderful! If you do not have his cook book you must try this recipe it is wonderful and I loved it!

So mlh said something to my oldest daughter that still has the man and I laughing. He said "Big bears have big balls and little bears have little balls!" Mod (my oldest daughter) asked the man if that was true he said yes then said " mlh we do not talk about balls!" I think that this is how my day has been. I mean think about how honest that sentence is. I love how kids put things into perspective. I wish adults still had that ability. The no sugar needed, the I going to tell you how it is no matter how it may hurt your feelings. I love it and it makes me look inwards to see just how much I am sugar coating my life. So I am going try to take some sugar out of my life and just look at the black and white. It is going to be a blunt and hurtful look I think but I must think of one thing... This will help me grow and until I do I guess It is going to be big and little bears around here.

I have a new definition for the phrase "Drag Queen"

I have a new definition for the phrase "Drag Queen"! My oldest daughter came in this morning and said "mlmm is being a Drag Queen!" "What?" I said. "You know a D R A G QUEEN!" she said to me with attitude. It was almost like she was saying DUH MOM. You know that look kids give you. So I asked her "What do you think Drag queen means." (When you ask kids this question it is almost scary... you might get the right answer.) She said " you know when you go to the bathroom and do not wipe well and you drag!" (all I could think of was those dogs that drag there buts on the floor. She was so serious when she told me this answer I looked at her and said " no I don't think that is what a drag queen is". It wasn't until I told this story to the man that he laughed to her face and told her what a Drag Queen really was. I think it is funny how kids hear words and they make up their own definitions for them. I think that we should all make up our own words and definitions. It would be like having your own family language. Like texting. YKWIM...(YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) If you don't text then when you get one its like What?

I had a conversation with my cousin today and I got me thinking of one of my favorite worship songs... Why is it that so many of us see God and hear God but we turn and thank other things? In the song it says... Many men will drink the rain and turn to thank the clouds... many men will hear you speak but they will never turn around. I wounder how many times I thanked the clouds and didn't turn around. Maybe that is why I am where I am.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbUpmKIGmU0
I will not forget You

(vs1) Many men will drink the rain
And turn to thank the clouds
Many men will hear You speak
But they will never turn around

I will not forget You are my God, my King
And with a thankful heart I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is not what You can give
But what I alone can give to you

A grateful heart I give, A thankful prayer I pray,
A wild dance I dance before you
A loud song I sing, A huge bell I ring,
A life of praise I live before You

(vs2) Many men will pour their gold
And serve a thing that shines
Many men will read your words
But they will never change their minds

My mom is coming home tonight! Thank you GOD!

"I have meatballs and peanuts!"

Mom is still in the hospital and I have had a busy busy day! I woke up and drove the oldest to meet his g-pa in Mojave he will he at a bluegrass festival enjoying being in Kids in Bluegrass which he loves. I will no longer be home on any mothers days or fathers day or any other days that Bluegrass festivals fall on. Also he will not be here for what mlh calls M-day! This year his birthday falls on mothers day and we were going to wait to celebrate his b-day like we always do with his older brother at the end of the month but someone informed him that his b-day was this Sunday, on M-day which stands for his birthday! So, he wants a Nintendo DSI and a cake a a bounce house and a pool party all in one! Yeah! Now I have mlmm saying M-day is coming up and happy M-day! so Mothers day will not exists this year! Shopping for mothersday cards we had to get cards for M-day also because his birthday is coming up! We also had to discuss what he wanted again because I guess he thinks I didn't hear him the first 30 times he told me. So he wants DS games and no stupid clothes. He wants Wii games and his own Wii controller with a numchuck that matches in Blue!!! Not black or red but Blue! What happened to my little helper that didn't have any idea and just liked getting gifts? Thank you Disney Channel for all the wonderful commercials you changed my almost four year old into a 15 year old with all of his wishes!

This evening while bathing the little monkeys mlmm said " Mom I have meatballs?" Here I am thinking what in the heck are meatballs then mlh said "No! I have meatballs and peanuts you have Mom what does she have?" After making him repeat himself because I wanted to make sure I had this right I said "girls have a vajaja" (not sure how to spell that one) and then she said "I have a pee pee." I wasn't going to fight it I just wanted everyone know that peanuts and meatballs now mean something different at this house.

While we were eating tonight mlh decided to pray for our food his prayer went something like this " Close your eyes and bow your head like this see...thank you for dinner and the lettuce and the food amen" So mlh prayed!!!

Ants in my pants!

Something happened today that got me laughing so hard that it made me remember times when I was younger. The little mess maker and helper were outside playing with red ants. I am not sure what kind of ants these are but they are not the little red ants but the ones that look like they are on steroids. Anyway, I say"dont play with those ants! They bite!" " No! they don't bite!" said mlmm (my little mess maker). So, monkey see, monkey do and both monkeys were playing with the ants. Mlh (my little helper) runs to me saying see they don't bite allowing one to crawl on the arm of his long sleeved shirt. "They bite" I said and continued to sit back and watch. All of a sudden It was like looking at my self mlmm sat down right next to the ant hill and I yelled "don't sit on that hill you are going to get stung". It was only a second before I witnessed the funniest part my little one striping down naked in our yard yelling "get off! get off!! Yuck! Don't bite me!" So the hose went on and I sprayed down all the ants and mlh was taking his shoe and killing all the ants that were still alive and saying "I'm sorry you bite". Then he says "kill them all mom!" Stomping and swatting ants all while trying not to laugh just made me think... I am going to be in trouble I have a kid that refuses to take your word for it. She will have to see for herself. I guess being a person just like that makes me understand her a little better. I know that the road that I choose sometimes looks so strange to some but I have to see it for myself. Just like I have to taste everything twice to make sure that the first bite was really bad. I have to try things sometimes twice to make sure that it really isn't for me. So I am sure that this ant experience will happen again seeing how I sat in an ant hill and then fell onto and ant hill before I realized that ants bite. Showers and hot tubs remove ants very quick. That is probably why I grabbed the hose. Good news only one or two bites probably because of my quick response.

I went to the hospital to see my mom... Still don't know and neither do the doctors. I guess only time will tell what is wrong with my mom. I will keep you informed.

I do have some info for all you people who like to start crap by gossiping... the proceedure I had done was to help me so I didn't have to have a bigger surgery so young in life. It was not because of anything else. I wish I had the money to have some of the things people are saying done!!! Can you imagine I'd love to look like I did before 4. It also had Nothing to do with me having another baby!!! Somethings need not to be shared for God to still answer prayers!!

Guess what I'm unusual!

Today was long...I had to get up and go! My uncle came and drove me and the kids with the trailer to Bakersfield so we could drop off and pick up the remainder of our stuff. Not really feeling good I am not sure if a long trip like that was the way to go I am very tired and blogging right now seems like a waste of time. But here I am up late.
My favorite Dr. C called today and wanted me to know that I am unusual and what happened to me was abnormal. So, I guess that having what happened to me is a good thing, because it got me thinking... I am supposed to be unusual!!! It's a good thing and so is my thinking. Maybe that is why I have such a hard time finding a church and fitting in. Maybe I am here to help people see out of the box. I believe that being stuck in a box can hurt you more than you realize. It make you out of touch. Out of touch with people, people like me. That's all I have for today maybe I wont do so much and feel great tomorrow.

No matter what you always find a reason to need a mom.

On Friday I woke up and drove to Ventura with all four kids. Having my mom in the hospital and the man working at the coast I had to make other arrangements for the day. Thankfully the new Mrs. B came to the rescue. So off to Ventura we went dropped the kids off with my cousin the new Mrs. B and went to see my endocrinologist for an ultra sound of my thyroid. Looks the same and that is great news for me! So it's off to my favorite Dr. C's office for a in office procedure that should be easy! So I thought. It went very well better than I thought. I left feeling great I went and picked up my prescription and ate which was a big mistake! We drove to my cousins house and that is all I remember the pain set in and the puking started. After a little while in pain my cousin called the doctors office and then we were back in the car driving to the doctors office. Two shots later and I was now going to the ER. After a while in the ER puking and in pain. The man called my parents and my uncle and dad came to help with the car situation. So after driving home and spending all weekend in pain I realized something...No matter what you always find a reason to need a mom. If my mom was there I would have not got the shot that I am allergic to which made me go to the ER. Knowing that mothers day is coming up don't forget that no matter where you are with your relationship with your mom you only get one and someday you might need her.

May Day!

I'm sending an S.O.S. I am in bed! Slept all day!