Well today started out with a drive to Ventura for a appointment. Everything is good! Thank you for the prayers. After the doctors appointment we went to lunch and then to look around the outlets in Camarillo. Shopping with out a stroller is a nightmare. mlh kept disappearing on me and mlmm was trying to help by bringing me everything in the store, laying on the floor and acting like a cat! I thought it was cute but I do not think the employees thought it was so cute. I bought some new shoes and then we were on our way back. I wish we could have shopped for hours but that would require money! On the way back we stopped for strawberries and the man called to let SIL know that the fire department called and our kids were concerned. So here I am crying all the rest of the way home and pissed off isn't even the word for the disappointment and anger I felt. I know that seeing the positive is what I am trying to do but... So I dropped off my mom and uncle at their home and drove the 30 min drive trying to understand why the man was not home to pick up the kids and why did the fire department get involved. (since mo doesn't have a cell phone and we do not have a home phone how did they call?) So when I got home the man and I had a very intense discussion about the event and all the built up frustrations that I have and I know that some times you have to get in it so you can find out were the other person is. I know that I love the man and I know that he loves me but sometimes love is not enough and when there are kids involved you have to find a balance and I am not sure what that is supposed to look like! But, what we have is not balanced and after all was said I am still worried that I will soon be alone.
I know that you are all wondering about the fire department... Well today the fire department came to inspect our property for fire clearance and when the kids saw them at the gate they ran out and told them that I was not home and that they were all alone and they did not have a way to call me. (In California you have to be 12 to be left alone and we have a 10 and 8 year old) I have never left them alone and the man was to pick they up. So they called me first ( did not hear the phone...driving) and then called the man... they waited for him until he got there. I guess he was 30 minutes late from picking them up. The fire department helped them look for a way in to the house and we will see if anything becomes of this... I am also looking into phones.
While we were having our discussion SIL took the kids outside to play! Thank you SIL! While she was out side she tripped on the unfinished planter and I think her foot is broken but we will have to wait until tomorrow to find out because Kaiser is no longer open and she doesn't want to go to the ER for a hurt foot.
Didn't make dinner tonight. The tooth fairy will have to wait until tomorrow. I spent time praying last night and today started out great and now I do not know. What am I doing 40 days in and I am hurt, sad, and alone! ( I know you are never alone...) But I feel alone! I was told that my blogs would start to not look so sugar coated and if my blog offends anyone I didn't mean to upset anyone!
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